"The girl clinging to [her father's arm in the picture] was harder to remember. Had her mother ever really been that young and carefree, so radiant with joy?"
"You do have talent, Kit. Maybe someday you'll realize how much. There are all sorts of talents in the world, and only one of them is music."
"The eyes were those of a girl who was not as sure on the inside as she appeared outwardly to be. 'Who am I?' the eyes asked. 'What is my place in life? Am I pretty? Do people like me? Does Jules like me? In what direction am I going? Will I accomplish anything worthwhile in my lifetime? Will I be happy? Am I worth loving?'"
"How strange, to be writing a letter which I know will never reach you. And yet, I must; perhaps having you to talk to is what is keeping me sane."
Thursday, February 13, 2020
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Sam Reviews: "It Will Never Happen to Me" by Claudia Black
"Should a child of an alcoholic neither become alcoholic, nor marry an alcoholic, emotional and/or psychological patterns develop which may cause problems for this person in adulthood. Adult children of alcoholics often have difficulties identifying and expressing feelings. They become rigid and controlling. Some find themselves overly dependent on others; they feel no sense of power of choice in the way they live. A pervasive sense of fear and guilt often exists in their lives. Many experience depression and frequently do not have the ability to feel close or to be intimate with another human being."
"I believe helplessness, despair and hopelessness cause family members to believe -- if you just ignore it, maybe it will not hurt; if you just ignore it, it may just go away."
"Children raised in alcoholic family structures have learned how to not trust others in talking about the real issues. They have also learned it is simply best to not trust that others will be there for them, emotionally, psychologically, and possibly even physically. To trust another means investing confidence, reliance, and faith in that person. Confidence, reliance, and faithfulness are virtues often missing in the alcoholic home. Children need to be able to depend on parents to meet their physical and emotional needs in order to develop trust. In alcoholic environments, parents simply are not consistently available to their children either by being drunk, physically absent, or mentally and emotionally preoccupied with alcohol, or with the alcoholic."
"I'm order for children to trust, they must feel safe. They need to be able to depend on their parents for friendly help, concern and guidance in responding to physical and emotional needs."
"The child is confused because one message is coming from his parent's words, and a contradictory message is coming from the body movement and tone of voice. Such confusing messages propel the child into a life of second guessing what is really happening."
"The single-most important ingredient in a nurturing relationship -- in any relationship -- is honesty. No child can trust, or be expected to trust, unless those around him are also open and honest about their own feelings."
"Love is caring enough to help but sometimes it runs out."
"People tend to deny and minimize both situations and feelings in order to hide their own pain; they don't want to be uncomfortable. It is this ability to deny which ultimately interferes in the emotional and psychological stability of children of alcoholics when they reach adulthood."
"It is easy to see how adjusters find mates who cause uproar. This state of living in constant agitation becomes their comfort zone because they are perpetuating childhood roles of adapting to inconsistent people. They know how to handle chaotic situations -- adjust. Yet, this kind of self-negating adjusting results in the person becoming depressed, isolated and lonely."
"I need to become more selfish. I must quit serving everyone else at my own expense, but I don't know how. I feel so guilty. Giving to others is not bad, but giving at the expense of our own well-being is destructive."
"Although they appear to be living their lives the way they want, they still feel apart from others; they feel lonely. They don't have equal relationships with others; and they always give too much and refrain from putting themselves in a position to receive."
"We are seeking help because we hurt as a result of your alcoholism. You can get help too, if you want, but we need and want help for ourselves regardless of what you do."
"Tell them from now on, this family is going to try to be more open and honest about family affairs and about feelings. Denial only harbors resentment, distrust and fear."
"I believe a child can survive a family crisis as long as he or she is told the truth and allowed to share the natural sequence of feelings people experience when they suffer."
"Emotions become so much more powerful when they are not outwardly expressed, secrets can cause a great deal more pain than is necessary."
"Before you, the adult child, are ready to continue in a therapeutic process, recognize two basic rights: 1) You have the right to talk about the real issues, and 2) you have the right to feel. You no longer have to pretend things are different from how they are, or were. There are legitimate reasons for the way you feel. There are reasons for the craziness and the confusion you experience. By focusing on these issues, you are not blaming anyone for the situation but simply trying to readjust and live in a way which allows openness, honesty and love to be a normal, healthy part of your life."
"Acceptance of feelings, i.e. anger or joy, without a harsh judgment and a related major decision, combined with the ability to express feelings will decrease fear and feelings of alienation towards oneself."
"As these children of alcoholics become adults many of them continue to experience fear of confrontation. For so many adult children, confrontation is simple disagreement, or questioning -- but the fear is, nonetheless, intense and based on what they perceived to be a real confrontation. These fears may stem from years of harassment by a parent, which always resulted in the child feeling guilty or humiliated. These fears persist, also, because there was never any normal disagreement in their alcoholic homes. Any expressed disagreement resulted in yelling and loud arguing because the alcoholic could not tolerate anyone disagreeing with him/her. Disagreement was perceived by the alcoholic as betrayal, and resulted in actions which belittled and condemn the child."
"I have a lot of issues to deal with about my mother, her constant criticism, guilt because I didn't know why I was being criticized, and finally, my guilt for being alive."
"Extremely responsible, overachieving young people often become very rigid and controlling adults. They find it is necessary for them to manipulate other people. Controlling provides security, and not being in control would mean total insecurity."
"Children of alcoholics grow up never having shared their closest thoughts or feelings with even their very best friend. It is a very lonely, isolated way of growing up. This loneliness continues into adulthood because no one understood their trauma nor wanted to take the time to talk to these children."
"I believe helplessness, despair and hopelessness cause family members to believe -- if you just ignore it, maybe it will not hurt; if you just ignore it, it may just go away."
"Children raised in alcoholic family structures have learned how to not trust others in talking about the real issues. They have also learned it is simply best to not trust that others will be there for them, emotionally, psychologically, and possibly even physically. To trust another means investing confidence, reliance, and faith in that person. Confidence, reliance, and faithfulness are virtues often missing in the alcoholic home. Children need to be able to depend on parents to meet their physical and emotional needs in order to develop trust. In alcoholic environments, parents simply are not consistently available to their children either by being drunk, physically absent, or mentally and emotionally preoccupied with alcohol, or with the alcoholic."
"I'm order for children to trust, they must feel safe. They need to be able to depend on their parents for friendly help, concern and guidance in responding to physical and emotional needs."
"The child is confused because one message is coming from his parent's words, and a contradictory message is coming from the body movement and tone of voice. Such confusing messages propel the child into a life of second guessing what is really happening."
"The single-most important ingredient in a nurturing relationship -- in any relationship -- is honesty. No child can trust, or be expected to trust, unless those around him are also open and honest about their own feelings."
"Love is caring enough to help but sometimes it runs out."
"People tend to deny and minimize both situations and feelings in order to hide their own pain; they don't want to be uncomfortable. It is this ability to deny which ultimately interferes in the emotional and psychological stability of children of alcoholics when they reach adulthood."
"It is easy to see how adjusters find mates who cause uproar. This state of living in constant agitation becomes their comfort zone because they are perpetuating childhood roles of adapting to inconsistent people. They know how to handle chaotic situations -- adjust. Yet, this kind of self-negating adjusting results in the person becoming depressed, isolated and lonely."
"I need to become more selfish. I must quit serving everyone else at my own expense, but I don't know how. I feel so guilty. Giving to others is not bad, but giving at the expense of our own well-being is destructive."
"Although they appear to be living their lives the way they want, they still feel apart from others; they feel lonely. They don't have equal relationships with others; and they always give too much and refrain from putting themselves in a position to receive."
"We are seeking help because we hurt as a result of your alcoholism. You can get help too, if you want, but we need and want help for ourselves regardless of what you do."
"Tell them from now on, this family is going to try to be more open and honest about family affairs and about feelings. Denial only harbors resentment, distrust and fear."
"I believe a child can survive a family crisis as long as he or she is told the truth and allowed to share the natural sequence of feelings people experience when they suffer."
"Emotions become so much more powerful when they are not outwardly expressed, secrets can cause a great deal more pain than is necessary."
"Before you, the adult child, are ready to continue in a therapeutic process, recognize two basic rights: 1) You have the right to talk about the real issues, and 2) you have the right to feel. You no longer have to pretend things are different from how they are, or were. There are legitimate reasons for the way you feel. There are reasons for the craziness and the confusion you experience. By focusing on these issues, you are not blaming anyone for the situation but simply trying to readjust and live in a way which allows openness, honesty and love to be a normal, healthy part of your life."
"Acceptance of feelings, i.e. anger or joy, without a harsh judgment and a related major decision, combined with the ability to express feelings will decrease fear and feelings of alienation towards oneself."
"As these children of alcoholics become adults many of them continue to experience fear of confrontation. For so many adult children, confrontation is simple disagreement, or questioning -- but the fear is, nonetheless, intense and based on what they perceived to be a real confrontation. These fears may stem from years of harassment by a parent, which always resulted in the child feeling guilty or humiliated. These fears persist, also, because there was never any normal disagreement in their alcoholic homes. Any expressed disagreement resulted in yelling and loud arguing because the alcoholic could not tolerate anyone disagreeing with him/her. Disagreement was perceived by the alcoholic as betrayal, and resulted in actions which belittled and condemn the child."
"I have a lot of issues to deal with about my mother, her constant criticism, guilt because I didn't know why I was being criticized, and finally, my guilt for being alive."
"Extremely responsible, overachieving young people often become very rigid and controlling adults. They find it is necessary for them to manipulate other people. Controlling provides security, and not being in control would mean total insecurity."
"Children of alcoholics grow up never having shared their closest thoughts or feelings with even their very best friend. It is a very lonely, isolated way of growing up. This loneliness continues into adulthood because no one understood their trauma nor wanted to take the time to talk to these children."
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Sam Reviews "Summer Sisters" by Judy Blume
"Victoria closes her eyes, breathing in the familiar scent, and for a moment it's as if they've never been apart. They're still Vixen and Cassandra, summer sisters forever. The rest is a mistake, a crazy joke."
"Her father, a man who looked surprised when hr opened their front door to find he had four noisy children inside. A man if so few words he could spend a whole weekend without speaking."
"She imagined jumping into his arms, hugging him as hard as she could to show how thankful she was, but that would have embarrassed both of them."
"She's too tired to worry. She can't remember what it's like to not be tired."
"Once Victoria gets a taste of another way of life, she'll be lost to them."
"All he wanted was a decent job, a family of his own, kids to love. He'd be a real father, not that he'd ever seen one in action, but he'd figure it out. Then he met Tawny, a woman who knew her mind. He liked that about her. She was no wish-wash like his mother. Now...hell, it's all different. And it's made Tawny hard. Nobody's fault. Just the way it is."
"Caitlin didn't always tell the truth. She left things out. Sometimes, important things."
"She wondered if all the firsts in her life would go by so quickly, and be forgotten just as quickly."
"It was the kind of summer you don't write home about. Vix didn't exactly lie, but like Caitlin, she began to practice selective truth telling. What her family didn't know wouldn't hurt them."
"He was so laid back he was practically horizontal."
"They clasped hands, closed their eyes, and vowed to never be ordinary."
"'I like the way you worry about me,' Caitlin said.
"'Somebody has to.'"
"A person without curiosity may as well be dead."
"Maybe she was going to ignore Vix's question. She did that when someone asked her something she didn't want to answer. She'd just act as if she hadn't heard a word."
"She's a flake but she loves us."
"Fifteen years ago she'd thought they'd be together forever. Fifteen years ago she'd woven ribbons through her hair."
"Save your tears for something important, Victoria. There's no need to display your emotions in public. Do you want those boys to have power over you? Keep your feelings to yourself. Don't ever show anyone your disappointment."
"'You know why she hates you? It's because you get to escape. We all hate you for that.' Lanie spoke without emotion, and suddenly Vix understood everything. She got to escape and they didn't."
"Tawny used to tell them Nathan was a gift from God, to teach them to be strong, to teach them to count their blessings. But what about Nathan? What kind of gift had God given him?"
"'Someday they're going to fall in love with me.'
"'Why both? Why not just one?'
"'Because it's more interesting if it's both.' "
"'Why does [your mother] have to die for you to grow up and take control of your own life?'"
"I don't like to see young girls getting in over their heads [with older boys]. It's just not wise."
"He's not like anything. He's a person who just happens to have been born with something he can't control. It could have happened to you. It could have happened to any of us. So the next time you see someone in a chair, someone spastic, just imagine if that were you! The same you who standing here now, but your mind's been trapped inside a body you can't control."
"You weren't always born to the right parents. And parents didn't necessarily get the kids they were meant to raise."
"She hated the unpredictability of her body. She hated being fourteen. It felt like a punishment. She just didn't know for what."
"Things change... Things happen... Things you can't even imagine when you're young and full of hope."
"There might be no tomorrow and even if there is, nobody gives a damn."
"Why anyone has children when they could have dogs is beyond me. You get everything from a dog you'd get from a child, plus total acceptance, absolute gratitude."
"She was beginning to see her father as her champion within the family. She just wished he'd be more demonstrative, more open in his love, if love was what it was about."
"For the rest of her life, every lovers' quarrel would remind Vix of this night, this night when anger crackled in the air. She vowed been in there no guy would ever make her feel that bad."
"Love him? I hardly know him. I'll probably never see him again. It was mostly... Curiosity. But at least I got it out of the way."
"'Cold?' he asked, as she began to pull [the T-shirt] over her head.
"'No.'
"'Then don't...'
"So she didn't."
"'You're not scared if me, are you?' she teased in a husky voice, a voice she didn't recognize as her own.
"'Yeah, I am...' And from the way he said it she was almost sure it was true."
"Woody Allen was obsessed by [death]. Most creative geniuses are."
"She wanted me to make promises I wasn't ready to keep."
"There's something about being her first, about teaching her everything his way."
"She's got a new guy now. Maybe he can make her come. Maybe he doesn't care if she doesn't."
"Sure he'll come...any second now. So what if he has to tell her he loves her during the act? At that moment he does."
"'God knows what she was following.'
"'Maybe she thought she was in love.'
"'That was her first mistake.'
"'And her last.'"
"You're so scared of that side of yourself you have to run away."
"You're an emotional iceberg, terrified of your own feelings."
"A letter telling him she loved him, apologizing for thinking only of herself that summer, for being too munch in love."
"One thing she knew, she wasn't going to wind up like her mother, disappointed and pissed off at the world."
"Every experience with Caitlin was unforgettable. That wasn't the point."
"How serious? Did she mean were they making plans? They never talked about the future. Wasn't it enough to be in love? Totally, completely, hopelessly in love?"
"'Vix isn't going to do anything foolish, are you?' Lamb asked, to ease Abby's fears.
"Before Vix could answer Abby said, 'But she's in love... Anyone with eyes can see that.'"
"If being in love means giving up your freedom, not to mention your opportunities, then I haven't missed anything."
"Sometimes she worried they were acting old, settled, more tired than excited when they were together. But that would change, wouldn't it, when she was out of school? The real world couldn't be this hard."
"How come he can't talk to them...to his daughters? Do they know he loves them?"
"For a minute she considered letting down her guard, telling him how uncertain she is was about life and love and everything in between."
"She no longer knew her family, and they certainly didn't know her."
"If he expected her to argue he was mistaken. She nodded her head calmly and just like that, with no discussion, no questions, no anything, they separated."
"He's always waiting and worrying she's going to end it. Always looking for signs, expecting the worst. So he jumps the gun, says it out loud before she can. She doesn't even cry. Nothing. That proves it, doesn't it?"
"Star comes on to him, suggests they get together. So they do. In the storeroom of her shop. ... 'Do me again,' Star says, an hour later. So he does her again. But when he falls asleep, he dreams only of Victoria."
"Live for the moment. There might be no tomorrow. And even if there is, nobody really gives a damn."
"Once I'd satisfied my curiosity... Well, we didn't have that much to say to one another. Two weeks was more than enough."
"She just hopes Vix won't slip back into her romance with Bru because it's easy, because he's there. She knows how hard it is to break away..."
"The peonies crushing beneath her released their fragrance. She would never smell peonies again without reliving this moment."
"The problem was, she didn't know what she wanted. Except him. She wanted him."
"Her father's hopes and dreams for her, if she had any, were never articulated."
"You're lucky. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own."
"She was amazed that these people, who seemed to her to have it made, were already looking for a way out."
"Do you marry someone because the sex is good? Do you marry someone because you know, deep down, he's a decent person, even if you can't talk about the same books?"
"He grabbed the jewelry box out of her hand and for a minute she thought he might hurl it into the river. But no, he shoved it back in his pocket, too practical to give in to his emotions. They were a lot alike, weren't they? Two people who had trouble sharing their thoughts. Two people who kept everything inside. Had she mistaken his silence for depth? His wounded look for sensitivity? She didn't know. She didn't know anything except she wasn't ready. She couldn't promise him the rest of her life. She had no idea where she was going."
"There's a Caitlin in every junior high. You have to get over her and get on with your life."
"Maia worried every time she met a new guy about how it would end, how bad she'd feel when it did, how long it would take her to get over him, whether it was even worth the trouble in the first place. She had no time or energy for bad relationships."
"Some people never get over their first loves. They spend their whole lives trying to recapture the thrill. Sometimes, after fifty years they get back together. They meet at some reunion or other and realize they were meant to be together."
"Victoria is the least spontaneous person in our entire class, but I'd trust her with my life."
"Her life was full. It was interesting. A person didn't necessarily have to be in love."
"Got to keep in touch with your old friends. Old friends know you best."
"For a moment it was as if they'd never been apart. They were still Vixen and Cassandra, summer sisters forever. The rest was a mistake, a crazy joke."
"Caitlin isn't someone to get over. She's someone to come to terms with, the way you have to come to terms with your parents, your siblings. You can't deny they ever happened. You can't deny you ever loved the., love them still, even if loving them causes you pain."
"Caitlin was the magnet. She was just a particle in her magnetic field."
"This island of memories - all the best and worst of her life."
"Maybe that's his problem. He loves them both. He's glad he doesn't have to choose. Glad they've done it for him."
"'I'll always love you. Promise you'll always love me?'
"'You know I will.' And it's true, no matter what, she'll always love Caitlin."
"Love is a hard game to play, my darlings, play it well."
"Her father, a man who looked surprised when hr opened their front door to find he had four noisy children inside. A man if so few words he could spend a whole weekend without speaking."
"She imagined jumping into his arms, hugging him as hard as she could to show how thankful she was, but that would have embarrassed both of them."
"She's too tired to worry. She can't remember what it's like to not be tired."
"Once Victoria gets a taste of another way of life, she'll be lost to them."
"All he wanted was a decent job, a family of his own, kids to love. He'd be a real father, not that he'd ever seen one in action, but he'd figure it out. Then he met Tawny, a woman who knew her mind. He liked that about her. She was no wish-wash like his mother. Now...hell, it's all different. And it's made Tawny hard. Nobody's fault. Just the way it is."
"Caitlin didn't always tell the truth. She left things out. Sometimes, important things."
"She wondered if all the firsts in her life would go by so quickly, and be forgotten just as quickly."
"It was the kind of summer you don't write home about. Vix didn't exactly lie, but like Caitlin, she began to practice selective truth telling. What her family didn't know wouldn't hurt them."
"He was so laid back he was practically horizontal."
"They clasped hands, closed their eyes, and vowed to never be ordinary."
"'I like the way you worry about me,' Caitlin said.
"'Somebody has to.'"
"A person without curiosity may as well be dead."
"Maybe she was going to ignore Vix's question. She did that when someone asked her something she didn't want to answer. She'd just act as if she hadn't heard a word."
"She's a flake but she loves us."
"Fifteen years ago she'd thought they'd be together forever. Fifteen years ago she'd woven ribbons through her hair."
"Save your tears for something important, Victoria. There's no need to display your emotions in public. Do you want those boys to have power over you? Keep your feelings to yourself. Don't ever show anyone your disappointment."
"'You know why she hates you? It's because you get to escape. We all hate you for that.' Lanie spoke without emotion, and suddenly Vix understood everything. She got to escape and they didn't."
"Tawny used to tell them Nathan was a gift from God, to teach them to be strong, to teach them to count their blessings. But what about Nathan? What kind of gift had God given him?"
"'Someday they're going to fall in love with me.'
"'Why both? Why not just one?'
"'Because it's more interesting if it's both.' "
"'Why does [your mother] have to die for you to grow up and take control of your own life?'"
"I don't like to see young girls getting in over their heads [with older boys]. It's just not wise."
"He's not like anything. He's a person who just happens to have been born with something he can't control. It could have happened to you. It could have happened to any of us. So the next time you see someone in a chair, someone spastic, just imagine if that were you! The same you who standing here now, but your mind's been trapped inside a body you can't control."
"You weren't always born to the right parents. And parents didn't necessarily get the kids they were meant to raise."
"She hated the unpredictability of her body. She hated being fourteen. It felt like a punishment. She just didn't know for what."
"Things change... Things happen... Things you can't even imagine when you're young and full of hope."
"There might be no tomorrow and even if there is, nobody gives a damn."
"Why anyone has children when they could have dogs is beyond me. You get everything from a dog you'd get from a child, plus total acceptance, absolute gratitude."
"She was beginning to see her father as her champion within the family. She just wished he'd be more demonstrative, more open in his love, if love was what it was about."
"For the rest of her life, every lovers' quarrel would remind Vix of this night, this night when anger crackled in the air. She vowed been in there no guy would ever make her feel that bad."
"Love him? I hardly know him. I'll probably never see him again. It was mostly... Curiosity. But at least I got it out of the way."
"'Cold?' he asked, as she began to pull [the T-shirt] over her head.
"'No.'
"'Then don't...'
"So she didn't."
"'You're not scared if me, are you?' she teased in a husky voice, a voice she didn't recognize as her own.
"'Yeah, I am...' And from the way he said it she was almost sure it was true."
"Woody Allen was obsessed by [death]. Most creative geniuses are."
"She wanted me to make promises I wasn't ready to keep."
"There's something about being her first, about teaching her everything his way."
"She's got a new guy now. Maybe he can make her come. Maybe he doesn't care if she doesn't."
"Sure he'll come...any second now. So what if he has to tell her he loves her during the act? At that moment he does."
"'God knows what she was following.'
"'Maybe she thought she was in love.'
"'That was her first mistake.'
"'And her last.'"
"You're so scared of that side of yourself you have to run away."
"You're an emotional iceberg, terrified of your own feelings."
"A letter telling him she loved him, apologizing for thinking only of herself that summer, for being too munch in love."
"One thing she knew, she wasn't going to wind up like her mother, disappointed and pissed off at the world."
"Every experience with Caitlin was unforgettable. That wasn't the point."
"How serious? Did she mean were they making plans? They never talked about the future. Wasn't it enough to be in love? Totally, completely, hopelessly in love?"
"'Vix isn't going to do anything foolish, are you?' Lamb asked, to ease Abby's fears.
"Before Vix could answer Abby said, 'But she's in love... Anyone with eyes can see that.'"
"If being in love means giving up your freedom, not to mention your opportunities, then I haven't missed anything."
"Sometimes she worried they were acting old, settled, more tired than excited when they were together. But that would change, wouldn't it, when she was out of school? The real world couldn't be this hard."
"How come he can't talk to them...to his daughters? Do they know he loves them?"
"For a minute she considered letting down her guard, telling him how uncertain she is was about life and love and everything in between."
"She no longer knew her family, and they certainly didn't know her."
"If he expected her to argue he was mistaken. She nodded her head calmly and just like that, with no discussion, no questions, no anything, they separated."
"He's always waiting and worrying she's going to end it. Always looking for signs, expecting the worst. So he jumps the gun, says it out loud before she can. She doesn't even cry. Nothing. That proves it, doesn't it?"
"Star comes on to him, suggests they get together. So they do. In the storeroom of her shop. ... 'Do me again,' Star says, an hour later. So he does her again. But when he falls asleep, he dreams only of Victoria."
"Live for the moment. There might be no tomorrow. And even if there is, nobody really gives a damn."
"Once I'd satisfied my curiosity... Well, we didn't have that much to say to one another. Two weeks was more than enough."
"She just hopes Vix won't slip back into her romance with Bru because it's easy, because he's there. She knows how hard it is to break away..."
"The peonies crushing beneath her released their fragrance. She would never smell peonies again without reliving this moment."
"The problem was, she didn't know what she wanted. Except him. She wanted him."
"Her father's hopes and dreams for her, if she had any, were never articulated."
"You're lucky. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own."
"She was amazed that these people, who seemed to her to have it made, were already looking for a way out."
"Do you marry someone because the sex is good? Do you marry someone because you know, deep down, he's a decent person, even if you can't talk about the same books?"
"He grabbed the jewelry box out of her hand and for a minute she thought he might hurl it into the river. But no, he shoved it back in his pocket, too practical to give in to his emotions. They were a lot alike, weren't they? Two people who had trouble sharing their thoughts. Two people who kept everything inside. Had she mistaken his silence for depth? His wounded look for sensitivity? She didn't know. She didn't know anything except she wasn't ready. She couldn't promise him the rest of her life. She had no idea where she was going."
"There's a Caitlin in every junior high. You have to get over her and get on with your life."
"Maia worried every time she met a new guy about how it would end, how bad she'd feel when it did, how long it would take her to get over him, whether it was even worth the trouble in the first place. She had no time or energy for bad relationships."
"Some people never get over their first loves. They spend their whole lives trying to recapture the thrill. Sometimes, after fifty years they get back together. They meet at some reunion or other and realize they were meant to be together."
"Victoria is the least spontaneous person in our entire class, but I'd trust her with my life."
"Her life was full. It was interesting. A person didn't necessarily have to be in love."
"Got to keep in touch with your old friends. Old friends know you best."
"For a moment it was as if they'd never been apart. They were still Vixen and Cassandra, summer sisters forever. The rest was a mistake, a crazy joke."
"Caitlin isn't someone to get over. She's someone to come to terms with, the way you have to come to terms with your parents, your siblings. You can't deny they ever happened. You can't deny you ever loved the., love them still, even if loving them causes you pain."
"Caitlin was the magnet. She was just a particle in her magnetic field."
"This island of memories - all the best and worst of her life."
"Maybe that's his problem. He loves them both. He's glad he doesn't have to choose. Glad they've done it for him."
"'I'll always love you. Promise you'll always love me?'
"'You know I will.' And it's true, no matter what, she'll always love Caitlin."
"Love is a hard game to play, my darlings, play it well."
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Sam Reviews "My Drunk Holidays! How to Savor and Celebrate the Year" by Hannah Hart
I love Hannah, and I was very curious to see how she wrote this book. I still strongly prefer her memoir writing. Some things in this book, like in My Drunk Kitchen, feels forced. Also, whole Hannah admittedly speaks with a skepticism, this book has a strong mood-dampening underlier. While it tries to be fun a whimsical it sometimes comes off as doomsday. I still value her contribution and intend to support her, this book was not as light and fun to read as the first, and not nearly as heartfelt as Buffering.
"To all our siblings, who taught us how to celebrate, Savor, and survive."
"Trust has to be tested. That's how you know it's more than words."
"Ah! 'All things come to those who wait' -
"(I say these words to make me glad).
"But something answers soft and sad -
"They come, but often come too late!"
-Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie
"I always thought that 'holding a grudge' implied some intention of vengeance. Retaliation. My response is so much more passive than that. ... The thought simply being 'Ah, you have betrayed me. I suppose now I'll have to...never trust you again.'"
"People don't just have affairs. Affairs are symptoms of dysfunction within a relationship. If you can avoid dysfunction, then you can avoid affairs."
"Conflict Resolution:
"Take turns listening to each other's experience without comment.
"Make room in your emotional experience to see it from their perspective.
"Say things like, 'I can see why you'd feel that way.' Show compassion for their experience.
"Stay connected with your body. If you feel it tensing, take a deep breath and stay focused on the conversation at hand.
"If you're getting too hot under the collar, take a 10-minute break and reset. Write down what it is you want them to hear. What is your goal for the conversation? What do you want them to know?
"Make a plan for next time an issue like this comes up.
"Kiss and make up."
"Time will pass quickly and casually, like a pickpocket taking all your best intentions."
"To all our siblings, who taught us how to celebrate, Savor, and survive."
"Trust has to be tested. That's how you know it's more than words."
"Ah! 'All things come to those who wait' -
"(I say these words to make me glad).
"But something answers soft and sad -
"They come, but often come too late!"
-Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie
"I always thought that 'holding a grudge' implied some intention of vengeance. Retaliation. My response is so much more passive than that. ... The thought simply being 'Ah, you have betrayed me. I suppose now I'll have to...never trust you again.'"
"People don't just have affairs. Affairs are symptoms of dysfunction within a relationship. If you can avoid dysfunction, then you can avoid affairs."
"Conflict Resolution:
"Take turns listening to each other's experience without comment.
"Make room in your emotional experience to see it from their perspective.
"Say things like, 'I can see why you'd feel that way.' Show compassion for their experience.
"Stay connected with your body. If you feel it tensing, take a deep breath and stay focused on the conversation at hand.
"If you're getting too hot under the collar, take a 10-minute break and reset. Write down what it is you want them to hear. What is your goal for the conversation? What do you want them to know?
"Make a plan for next time an issue like this comes up.
"Kiss and make up."
"Time will pass quickly and casually, like a pickpocket taking all your best intentions."
Friday, November 8, 2019
Sam Reviews "Me & Emma" by Elizabeth Flock
"Momma doesn't like to think about things too hard. I wish I could be more like that. Seems like all I do is think on things and pretty soon they're worn out in my mind."
"I got handed lemons, too, y'know, but I learned how to make lemonade with them. No one ever told me I had to add sugar but that's life for you. It ain't sweet."
"Some days are talking-to-Momma days, some days aren't."
"My head bounces against the counter on its way down, which makes it a little harder not to cry. But I don't. Cry. That'd be the kiss of death with Momma."
"'I hate you, you little savage. You hear me? I hate you. I hate the way you look, I hate the way you walk, I hate everything about you....'
"I know Momma doesn't mean this. She's just mad and when Momma gets mad she has trouble with her mouth - it won't stop moving, is what the trouble is."
"You know a man can work on his carving his whole life and not git any better at it. Other things, well, you git better at 'em if you do 'em over an over again through the years. Not wood. You can stay just as bad a carver as you were the day you were born if that's the way it's s'posed to be."
"Answer a question with a question and everyone wins."
"You've never settled into life. You want life to be better to you but it ain't like that. Not for folks like us. Life's hard. That's the way it is."
"[She] pulls her case out, settling it on the mattress. It lies there with an open mouth ready to gobble up their lives and sprit it them away from here."
"Sometimes little sisters don't think things through, so it's up to big sisters to help them with that."
"I got handed lemons, too, y'know, but I learned how to make lemonade with them. No one ever told me I had to add sugar but that's life for you. It ain't sweet."
"Some days are talking-to-Momma days, some days aren't."
"My head bounces against the counter on its way down, which makes it a little harder not to cry. But I don't. Cry. That'd be the kiss of death with Momma."
"'I hate you, you little savage. You hear me? I hate you. I hate the way you look, I hate the way you walk, I hate everything about you....'
"I know Momma doesn't mean this. She's just mad and when Momma gets mad she has trouble with her mouth - it won't stop moving, is what the trouble is."
"You know a man can work on his carving his whole life and not git any better at it. Other things, well, you git better at 'em if you do 'em over an over again through the years. Not wood. You can stay just as bad a carver as you were the day you were born if that's the way it's s'posed to be."
"Answer a question with a question and everyone wins."
"You've never settled into life. You want life to be better to you but it ain't like that. Not for folks like us. Life's hard. That's the way it is."
"[She] pulls her case out, settling it on the mattress. It lies there with an open mouth ready to gobble up their lives and sprit it them away from here."
"Sometimes little sisters don't think things through, so it's up to big sisters to help them with that."
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Sam Reviews "Gun Machine" by Warren Ellis
“Lots of cops married nurses. Nurses understood the life: murderous shiftwork, long stretches of
boredom, sudden adrenaline spikes, blood everywhere.”
“Naked shotgun man was going to blow away any asshole who
tried to take his home from him because this was his home and no one could make
him do anything he didn’t want to do and also he had a shotgun. He didn’t mention being naked. Tallow presumed that he was simply too angry
for clothes.”
“There was a dark speckling [of blood] on his left
side. Jim Rosato was always on his left
side. Jim never let him drive.”
“For all your big talk about the bad week you’re having, you’re
not even angry. You’re just tired.”
“[He] let the city keep him company for as long as he could
stand it.”
“[He] had worked the streets long enough to know that it
didn’t always take a big thing to send someone to the point where it seemed to
him that the best option was to live outdoors and eat out of garbage sacks.”
"A laugh like bones being rattled in a tin."
"A room that hummed with the sound of machines. It did not quite smother a sudden composition of sounds from the next floor up: screams like a cat being dismembered, a deep thump that shook the ceiling; the noise of someone trying to cry while unable to draw breath."
"Testing structures in his mind. Foundations of fact, scaffolding of speculation."
“One day his world fell apart and he figured the only way he
could force life to make sense again was to walk out into the hallway naked
with a shotgun and scream. It doesn’t
always take much to make that happen.
This time, just [an eviction] letter shoved under the door.”
“Doesn’t matter where I get my appetite from so long as I
eat at home.”
“Talia’s like this Scandinavian Amazon who can break rocks
with her boobs. She could fit Scarly in
her armpit. Sometimes I think she likes
Scarly just because she was the most portable lesbian available.”
"A laugh like bones being rattled in a tin."
"A room that hummed with the sound of machines. It did not quite smother a sudden composition of sounds from the next floor up: screams like a cat being dismembered, a deep thump that shook the ceiling; the noise of someone trying to cry while unable to draw breath."
"Testing structures in his mind. Foundations of fact, scaffolding of speculation."
"When there was a good evening ahead, with the sky still light, it was like you stole a whole extra day from the world."
"You ever cheat on a girlfriend? Then you know. You break a part of the ethical compact, the basic rule that says You Don't Do That, and it's only hard once. When the sun doesn't go out because you've been so evil...well, it's easier the next time. And the next time. "
"The idea crept out like a spider and set off an autonomic repulsion. He just didn't want to be part of... The thought went: I just don't want to be part of people's lives."
"The jokes turned to ash and blew down the radio waves and away. Smoke signals."
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Sam Reviews "I'm Happy for You (Sort of...Not Really) by Kay Wills Wyma
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
- Helen Keller
"What we see is often just a snapshot. Mistaking the Glimpse for reality generally leads us to either judge or covet. Neither of which is beneficial for anyone involved. One moment does not define a life."
"The answer to our mental self-obsession appears to be pulling the reins on those wandering thoughts and bringing our minds back to the people standing next to us. Relationship seems to be key to our search for peace. I can choose to simply accept the kindness without making it about me in some negative way. "
"Jelousy is a useless, time-wasting emotion that's eating me alive."
- A. J. Jacobs
Schadenfreude: Harm-joy
"And I asked myself, am I loving them well? Really loving them for who they are, not who I want them to be or think they ought to be or who society says they should be? Am I loving them for the special individuals they are? Am I helping them discover their unique gifting and building them up in that? Even when such gifting might take them down a road that looks a bit different from what I or everyone around me expects or values?"
"We should love men enough not to envy."
-Francis Schaeffer
"One of the biggest problems with envy is it shows a lack of appreciation for my own uniqueness and worth. When you and I envy another person, we aren't even seeing ourselves. The other one, the envied one, becomes all-important to us. He's gifts, her successes, their achievements! We spend our energies watching someone else, being threatened by that person, not wanting him or her to succeed. So, in the process, we don't develop our own potential...
"Suppose we can see the successes, the accomplishments, the victories of others as gifts also. That puts them in a different light, when I'm doing that, I discovered, it's hard to keep on envying them. I find myself beginning to celebrate, to rejoice in, what God is doing through them. And that's a victory I could never win by myself. It's a gift of grace."
-William Brownson
" If I can keep in mind that the wall to which I am racing has been uniquely predestined and calibrated to my specifications, I can break free from envy and discontent. I can be happy for you when you hit a home run. I can find satisfaction in doing my best."
"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
-e.e. cummings
"Excellence is not being the best but doing your best."
-Unknown
"If they can go through their lives looking for and appreciating what's good in their friendships, in their romantic relationships and in their work - even if their work is more modest than it would have been 10 years ago - they can live an incredibly satisfying life that way."
-Barry Schwartz
"Unexpected adventure makes for a better story."
-Lynn O'Rourke Hayes
"It isn't wrong to have goals and hopes and dreams. Or to work diligently toward such things. But when those expectations determine our contentment, we may have a problem. Because things usually don't end up the way we think they will."
"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."
-Unknown
- Helen Keller
"What we see is often just a snapshot. Mistaking the Glimpse for reality generally leads us to either judge or covet. Neither of which is beneficial for anyone involved. One moment does not define a life."
"The answer to our mental self-obsession appears to be pulling the reins on those wandering thoughts and bringing our minds back to the people standing next to us. Relationship seems to be key to our search for peace. I can choose to simply accept the kindness without making it about me in some negative way. "
"Jelousy is a useless, time-wasting emotion that's eating me alive."
- A. J. Jacobs
Schadenfreude: Harm-joy
"And I asked myself, am I loving them well? Really loving them for who they are, not who I want them to be or think they ought to be or who society says they should be? Am I loving them for the special individuals they are? Am I helping them discover their unique gifting and building them up in that? Even when such gifting might take them down a road that looks a bit different from what I or everyone around me expects or values?"
"We should love men enough not to envy."
-Francis Schaeffer
"One of the biggest problems with envy is it shows a lack of appreciation for my own uniqueness and worth. When you and I envy another person, we aren't even seeing ourselves. The other one, the envied one, becomes all-important to us. He's gifts, her successes, their achievements! We spend our energies watching someone else, being threatened by that person, not wanting him or her to succeed. So, in the process, we don't develop our own potential...
"Suppose we can see the successes, the accomplishments, the victories of others as gifts also. That puts them in a different light, when I'm doing that, I discovered, it's hard to keep on envying them. I find myself beginning to celebrate, to rejoice in, what God is doing through them. And that's a victory I could never win by myself. It's a gift of grace."
-William Brownson
" If I can keep in mind that the wall to which I am racing has been uniquely predestined and calibrated to my specifications, I can break free from envy and discontent. I can be happy for you when you hit a home run. I can find satisfaction in doing my best."
"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
-e.e. cummings
"Excellence is not being the best but doing your best."
-Unknown
"If they can go through their lives looking for and appreciating what's good in their friendships, in their romantic relationships and in their work - even if their work is more modest than it would have been 10 years ago - they can live an incredibly satisfying life that way."
-Barry Schwartz
"Unexpected adventure makes for a better story."
-Lynn O'Rourke Hayes
"It isn't wrong to have goals and hopes and dreams. Or to work diligently toward such things. But when those expectations determine our contentment, we may have a problem. Because things usually don't end up the way we think they will."
"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour."
-Unknown
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