"I detested this banal and reprehensible behavior, but I also hated who I had become with Martha. I would be nasty for no reason. Often when she would speak, I'd respond with sarcasm. Even when I knew I was doing this, I couldn't stop myself. I was hurting her, and resenting her for somehow making me hurt her, so I'd lash out again. Something had gone wrong in the marriage. Maybe what went wrong was me. We were in trouble, and I did something about it. I took a risk and I left, so to speak. I let myself be tempted away. I could have waited until we punished each other more, I suppose, until Martha caught on and left me. Or maybe this was all just the normal course of intimacy, like the falling away of physical love. This is just what happens when two people are so close over so long a time. Just a bump in the road."
"I knew I could have gone on for the rest of my life with Martha and been happy. Maybe not ecstatic, but content, not fulfilled, maybe, but satisfied, secure, benevolent. Still the easiest thing for me to do now was to go home, back to Martha. Would this be fair if there was even a chance I might leave again? Martha would take me back if I promised to change my ways. But you know how long promises last. Soon we'd find ourselves alone in a quiet room, uncomfortable. Maybe I'd realize I'd been aloof, cold, and I'd try to be more loving. But if you have to attempt love, can you be in love?"
