Sam Reviews: "Hearts That We Broke Long Ago" by Merle Shain

"For my son - should he ever wonder if I loved him enough and my father who I never got to tell how much I did."

"Why, if she wished to drown herself, she was torturing herself with shallow waters."

"Whether the melon falls on the knife or the knife falls on the melon, it's the melon that suffers."

"Some of us hurl ourselves at life, and others crouch and wait for it to roll up over us, but you can usually tell who it is who is taking on life and who it is who is fending it off and whether this is a new game or whether it is old."

"The first person she ever loved was her father whom she could never please, and this man she was trying so hard to won, the one with the iron band locked around his heart, was just a substitute for him, someone with whom she could plat at trying to please her father still."

"It has been said that women of our generation 'grew up to be the men they always wanted to marry'."

"I am a part of all that I have met, and so, my friend, are you, and most of hd would have skipped a chapter here and there if we were the ones to choose.  But in the end it doesn't matter how what happened to you made you what you are today, only if you want to be there, and if it feeds you enough for you to stay."

"The girl who can't dance says the band can't play."

"No one is cheated in this world, unless it's by himself."

"When you want to, there are many ways to give hostages fortune, many ways to be sucked like a firefly to the flame, so those who fear abandonment find someone new to abandon them over and over again, and those who feel unworthy ask to be humbled, and the world always answers their prayers."

"According to [Hasidic Jews], on Judgement Day, each person will be invited to hang from the Tree of Sorrows all of his own miseries, and that done, he will be given permission to walk around the tree and survey everyone else's miseries in order to select a set he likes better.  ...  'Take what you want,' said God, 'and pay for it.'"

"It doesn't matter if you are chained by a golden chain or an iron one if it holds you in a place that is doing you harm."

"All things are possible and nothing safe."

"No one goes forward who hasn't finished with the past, and those, who try to, keep coming out the same door they went in."

"Despair is anger with no place to go, pain that has gone deep inside and dug in deep."

"Fears fight wars, and conquer worlds, build temples and bank accounts, get married and raise kids, but those who fear are always planning their defenses and their retreat, never living life, just escaping, never loving, only weeping."

"The answer doesn't lie in learning how to protect yourself from life.  It lies in learning how to strengthen yourself so you can let a bit more in."

"Why must I pretend to scorn in order to pity?  Why must I hide myself in self-contempt in order to understand? Why must I be so ashamed if my strength, so proud of weakness?  Why must I live in a cage like a criminal, defying and hating, I who love peace and friendship? Why was I born without a skin?  O God, that I must wear armor in order to touch or be touched."  Eugene O'Neill "The Great God Brown"

"Sometimes when a child doesn't get what he needs when he is small an anger develops deep within him because he feels unsupported, and hence frightened and alone.  And because the road between fear and hate is such a short one, many people travel over it without ever leaving home."

"We all need love, and want it, and fear to get it too.  Fear that if it comes, is to accept our need for it and give it power over us.  So many people spend their lives trying to dissuade themselves of their needs, and they ask for love in a thousand places and spit to windward when it answers their call."

"As long as you blame someone it makes the problem not yours but theirs, and allows you to keep it without taking responsibility for anything but pointing the finger.  Which means you give them responsibility for your life and paralyze yourself forever in a place you don't want to be."


"When you are continually seeking the privileged place of the favored child, you are trading off acceptance of yourself as you actually are for an idealized image of the person you wish you were, which means judging yourself by higher standards than you'd set for anyone else.  So you're always finding yourself wanting, always letting yourself down, and your overblown evo always lets you know."

"I can handle hurts of many kinds, the challenges galore.  It's kindness I have trouble with, and tenderness from someone I could love that always makes me cry.  I suppose the joy reminds."

"Unexpected emotions are a good way to figure out what hurts.  Tempers that flare about unimportant things, tears that appear at odd times when we don't expect them, tell us what we feel even when we aren't telling ourselves."

"Our North American culture, more than any other, thrusts independence on us at an early age, and needs for community and affection and dependence are sacrificed to the god of standing tall.  Which means that a lot of people who needed to be protected when they were small got pushed from the nest too soon and had to learn to lool after themselves.  But often what they learned to protect themselves from was their own needs, needs that were never wrong."


"Fear is not love.  Nor os love dependence, jealousy, possessiveness, domination, responsibility, duty, self-pity, or any of thr other things that conventionally pass for love."

"All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own, just as by our actions we create the world we live in, what we send into the world is out there to greet us on the morrow when we go out to see."


"Thank you for the gift of my life and for helping me develop the strength to be a giver.  I realize now that it is a privilege to be able to give."

"No one can have too many people in their life who love them, only not enough."

"Cynicism is a form of cowardice, a failure of courage to hope."

"To hope is to set yourself up for a possible loss, so many people deny their hopes and by so doing detach themselves from shat they want, not recognizing that hope is a forward scout on the path of time, and without it there is no tomorrow, there is not even much to be said for today."

"I don't know where we got the idea that it is an either/or situation, that it's freedom or commitment, personal growth or responsibility, and that if we choose commitment it will be our loss and not our gain.  Because one grows in commitment, one doesn't diminish.

Sam Reviews "When Lovers Are Friends" by Merle Shain

I'm not sure if the title is misleading, or if this author's philosophy is that all people we care about are "lovers" but not necessarily "sexual lovers".  This books is about friendship, not about relationships, but I still feel like there is a lot of great information and metaphors in this book.  I continue to be impressed by how powerful her words are while being so simply written and quick to read.

"For my friends whom I need not name as they know who they are and what they mean to me."

"Love is short, forgetting's long, and understanding takes longer still."

"Independence carried to the furthest extreme is just loneliness and death, nothing more than another defense, and there is no growth in it, only a safe harbour for a while."

"We are a society of winners where almost everybody feels himself a loser, where but i clothes and size of genitalia as well as make of car tell us who we are.  We are youth cult where everyone is made to feel old, a live cult where far too many feel unloved.  And because we set up life so it hurts, most of us hurt a lot."

"Perhaps it's because we are all so desperate for love that we believe if ever it comes to us we will be happy evermore, and when it comes along we pay with the self we had for the love we want."

"If you are you, and we are us, then who is it that's I?"

"Marriage has done terrible things to friendship in the name of love."

"The search for the perfect other is always search for what we lack.  And the reason that we never find them is because the search goes on as long as we feel inadequate ourselves."

"We all have defenses we use more than wr need, and for everything they protect us from they cost us something more.  Defenses come in many forms, many more than I can name, and while some of them are more primitive than others, they all keep the world away from us just the same."

"As the story began to unfold it became clear that the man who he thought was championing his cause was really the problem and that without him it wouldn't exist.  The young man was up for promotion, which meant he would pass out of the older man's control, so the older man invented a problem that only he could solve.  He told the young man how much opposition there was to his appointment, how many people there were who didn't want him around.  And then when the young man was appointed, the older man took a lot of bows for managing the impossible.  And the young man felt grateful as well as dependent, so the older professor didn't have to worry about losing his control over him for a while."

"Getting control over others has a lot to do with making them feel weak.  You can make them feel indebted or make them feel inadequate in yet some other way."

"Many a person who kept another from growing up and away then found they had to carry that person for the rest of their days."

"We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance."

"Some people don't have to wait for others to accept them but accept themselves first, while others - no matter how much love they get - stand begging forever at a door they themselves have closed."

"If you must seek approval, choose the right audience to seek it from, and if you don't like what you hear get another opinion, get two or three.  And when someone wants you to be what you aren't or refuses you permission to be who you are, try to understand that is their problem, really, and you don't have to make it yours.  And don't let anyone tell you you have to be perfect to be loved, because that simply isn't true.  If the people in your life only love you if you put on a false front, they don't love you at all, so you haven't much to lose."

"Some people let others define them because they need their approval so much they are willing to let them call the shots, and others do it because they are so lacking in self-worth they are afraid that if anyone found out who they really were they would be rejected out of hand.  But if being honest means that occasionally you give yourself away by acknowledging limitations in yourself that someone might have missed before, well, that's only as bad as you consider it to be."

"There is something terrifying about learning that someone you'd always felt to be much more courageous than yourself has given up the fight."

"It is much easier to be courageous when people are applauding you than when you are in defeat.  And many of us who pass as brave when a crowd is all waving hats would crumble if they turned on us and started throwing rocks."

"A girl I know has been married since she was very young to a man she has loved since she was a child, and she has a life that in almost every way is story-book perfect and unblemished by hurt of any kind.  But she isn't half as strong within herself as other friends of mine who have had some bad days mixed in with the good.  And although I have heard others say they envy her and that they wish their lives had been so blessed, the fact is that she is very insecure at times, and as the years go by she worries more and more about how she would survive if her husband wasn't by her side."

"A lot of people get confused when they listen to a friend about what the purpose of that listening is, and feel they should do something to help out.  So they either take their friend's life away from them or, trying so hard to pull them from the hole they're in, fall inside themselves."

"There seem to be three main streams to life - the emotional, the sensual, and the rational - and all of us are made up of all these three, although in differing amounts.  ...  I don't know how we become lopsided or what causes one skein in the braid to become thicker than the rest - whether we back away from what we are afraid of, or go with the part of us that functions best.  I only know that most people grow more in one way than in others, and the side of them which is the most developed, determines their life.  And because this is the case, the side of them which is the most developed also dictates the kind of friend they make."

"It takes a long time to understand that there is no relationship which is all-supporting, only those which help you grow stronger in yourself.  So a lot of people never realize how important it is to have real friends or how crucial they can be even if you have a mate."

"I wish that men understood better the value of friendship as women are coming to know it now, because too often they still see other people as things to be conquered or held off.  Men have allies and they have enemies, but only a few of them really have friends."

"We are an achievement-oriented society, so a lot of men put their energy into getting ahead and being a success, postponing closeness with other human beings as if it were a luxury they couldn't afford just yet, and they complain a lot about all the work there is to do as if the priorities were set by someone else.  And many of them think of fulfillment as something to be found in money, wealth, success, and applause and don't learn until it's too late that the only wealth that really counts is having loving friends."

"I don't think you could have done me much more harm if you had hated me.  How odd that you should think of that as love."

"You don't get from friends what you give to them, you get what they have to give."

"You will save yourself a lot of grief if you keep in mind that you don't have you for a friend, however much you might wish you did.  You have that person out there instead.  Perhaps you will take chicken soup to a friend who is sick, and they will forget your birthday just the same.  Or maybe you will have them to your parties and they will give none to which you might be asked.  But maybe they will hand you a piece of truth one day, in a sentence tossed off with a sidelong glance, and if it's something you couldn't have found inside yourself, you will have been repaid in full."

"Life doesn't consist of total people.  It consists of moments, moments which are gifts that you can pick up and hang like pearls around your neck, but no one will hand them to you.  You have to supply the string in order to hug them to yourself."

"We are all essentially alone, and sometimes the people whom you love can make it through, and sometimes they can't get to you no matter how much they try."

"The people in one's life are like the pillars on one's porch you see life through.  And sometimes they hold you up, and sometimes they lean on you, and sometimes it is just enough to know they're standing by."

Sam Reviews "Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others" by Merle Shain

It's kind of amazing to read something written in the 70s that seems so relevant today. We are living in the future she was hoping for (though we've still got some improving to do). This feels somewhat self-help style but in a very casual and easy to read way. Can't wait to dive into more of her writing.

"Men are supposed to fear loving because they fear dependency and truly loving always involves surrender of power. ... So most men opt for security in lieu of feeling and call their decision maturity."

"Loving someone because you failed to love someone else isn't the same as loving them for themselves."

"Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life."

"The value of a man is the sum of his commitments ... and men who are loving make their women bloom.  And because one of the best reasons for loving anyone is that they love you, men who understand that love is like the kind of flowers that grow more the more one gives away, are loved a lot, and men who do not water their gardens do not have roses to love."

"Women need men to love them so they can love them back."

"Our times are obsessed with finding fulfillment, so there are times when people try too hard, and there are people who want to have the newest feelings just as there are those who want to have the latest model car.  You can't play at love any more than you can be proud of your humility, or add water to your perfume and expect it to smell the same."

"One can get obsessions about people who give and then take away.  Then what the lover doesn't have he seeks for obsessively until the seeking becomes a replacement for the loved object and is more satisfying still."

"There are men who are addicted to the magic of falling in love, and the ego-aggrandizing, intoxicating splendor of it s all, and never learn that loving is better still.  For them there is no help for a love that is losing its excitement but to fall in love again, with someone else - and when that too loses it's intensity with someone else again."

"Loving acknowledges the differences between people and helps each person to grow, and while it's unpredictable, and sporadic, because it's a process of exchange, generally lovers who are loving are more self-approving, yet less selfish, and happier in themselves.  Romantic love seeks to possess the other person out of fear of loss, and romantic lovers want to give up everything for each other, merging themselves in the ones they love, until they have nothing left to give and their partners nothing left to love."

"Women are often trapped by their own romantic natures into believing that love means surrender, not recognizing that men who demand a woman's surrender are protecting themselves against her."

"Girls gave sex to get love and boys have love to get sex and conning girls was the favorite indoor sport."

"Men found their bodies through women but women sometimes didn't find there's at all, and women who didn't find their bodies often didn't find themselves, so they didn't love back much either, which was everybody's tragedy and still very often is."

"Pleasure is not the same as joy."

"Once we couldn't speak of sex and now we can't speak of love."

"Love is lonely and poetic and mysterious and whether we recognize it or not we climb into bed wrapping our identities closely around us, not knowing what we want from each other, and fearing both that it might be too much and not enough."

"When we love more than one person at the same time, we are expressing various sides of ourselves, so men with mistresses as well as wives come to their mistresses to find themselves, not the woman they seek."

"Women need men to believe in because that's how they've been raised, and when they no longer believe in the one they've got they feel abandoned and terribly in need."

"Women who've been raised to believe they will find fulfillment through a man think the man has failed when he doesn't give them what they think he should."

"Nobody loves anybody like anybody wants to be loved."  -Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook

"'In every marriage there is the one who loves and the one who lets himself be loved,' Somerset Maugham wrote.  And there are people who prefer to have someone to hurl themselves against than to have someone who is on their side."

"Marriage doesn't work when it cuts us off from finding who we are and defining ourselves for ourselves."

"...so [marriages] based on the premise that a wife's needs are met by meeting her husband's are doomed before they start.  And whether the worst offender is the woman who rushes to give up her needs hoping to please the man, or the man who accepts her sacrificial gifts, they both pay for it a thousand times."

"Men often want to have children, like writers who want to have written more than they want to write, so after they father children, they leave them at home while they go elsewhere for their lives."

"There is a difference between wanting and needing and loving, and both partners have a right to what they need, although not always what they want.  Each partner has a right to one life and to that life he has the sole right.  He hasn't a right to his spouse's life, and he hasn't a right to his child's, but he has a right to his life, and no one should interfere with that."

"It is not possible for one person to meet all of another's needs and marriage partners who expect this soon find each other wanting.  When people don't meet all of our needs, they are not always rejecting us - more often, they are saving themselves - and in a good marriage this is perfectly all right."

"The happy hungry man believes in food.  The happy homeless man believes in home.  The happy unloved man believes in love.  I wouldn't mind believing in something myself."  - George Jonas

"Loving someone means helping them to be more themselves, which can often be different from being what you'd like them to be, although often they turn out the same.  When you ask someone to live through you and for you, they warp like a Japanese tree to suit the relationship which you are, and cease to be what you chose them for, that is, cease to be themselves."

"A woman who marries a man to give herself an identity tends to choose the most powerful man she can find, so she often marries an over-achiever, thinking that his success will make her a success as well.  One always things that very successful men will be more generous and kind, but over-achievers of either sex are driven people, hoping to win love from every source, and a woman who chooses that kind of man is usually neglected for his work, and ends up with less identity than she had to start."

"If women have to ve small so men can be big in their own eyes, nobody much us fooled, and men who require this lose out in other ways "

"I'm not sure there can be loving without commitment, although commitment takes all kinds of forms, and there can be commitment for the moment as well as commitment for all time.  The kind that is essential for loving marriages - and love affairs, as well - is a commitment to preserving the essential quality of your partner's soul, adding to them as a person rather than taking away.  And if you haven't got that you haven't got loving, though you might have something else.  You could have adventure or a postgraduate course, you might have rehabilitation, or a bit of gossamer to highlight an otherwise somber life, but you haven't got loving, and of that you should be sure."

"I've learned not to ask for everything, just to make sure I get what I must have.  It doesn't matter who else gets what - it only matters if youre deprived."

"Being faithful means not costing people you love more than they can afford to pay."

"Women who hoped their husbands would take care of everything and then turned cool when they found that he could not, would be wiser if they parted with their illusions instead of with their husbands.  Because after you're divorced, you're still left with yourself."

"No marriage is one person's failure any more than it's one person's success, so it works best to see a marriage that has ended simply as something that didn't work out."

"It is not necessary to devalue the past and find it spurious because it doesn't last forever, it is possible to simply go on to what's next."

"If there are no endings, there are no beginnings and you see no new lands, so for everything that's lost, there is usually something gained."

"It is more difficult to plan when you're alone and your whole world could change twice before tomorrow."

"Single life looks exciting to those who are quietly settled, and contentment looms large and elusive to those who've had a lot more emotion than they can take but very little quiet joy."

Sam Reviews: "Paradiso" (The Divine Comedy #3) by Dante Alighieri

"Throughout this realm, to all the realm 'tis pleasing,
"As to the King, who makes his will our will.
"His will is our peace; this is the sea
"To which is moving onward whatsoever
"It doth create, and all that nature makes."

"To follow her, in girlhood from the world
"I fled, and in her habit shut myself,
"And pledged me to the pathway of her sect.
"Then men accustomed unto evil more
"Than unto good, from the sweet cloister tore me;
"God knows what afterward my life became."

"That which Timaeus argues of the soul
"Doth not resemble that which here is seen,
"Because it seems that as he speaks he thinks.
"He says the soul unto its star returns,
"Believing it to have been severed thence
"Whenever nature gave it as a form."

"This principle ill understood once warped
"The whole world nearly, till it went astray
"Invoking Jove and Mercury and Mars."

"That as unjust our justice should appear
"In eyes of mortals, is an argument
"Of faith, and not of sin heretical."

"Such was the flowing of the holy river
"That issued from the fount whence springs all truth;
"This put to rest my wishes one and all."

"'I wish to know if man can satisfy you
"'For broken vows with other good deeds, so
"'That in your balance they will not be light.'
"Beatrice gazed upon me with her eyes
"Full of the sparkle of love, and so divine,
"That, overcome my power, I turned my back
"And almost lost myself with eyes downcast."

"The greatest gift that in his largess God
"Creating made, and unto his own goodness
"Nearest conformed, and that which he doth prize
"Most highly, is the freedom of the will,
"Wherewith the creatures of intelligence
"Both all and only were and are endowed."

"Let mortals never take a vow in jest;
"Be faithful and not blind in doing that."

Lilies most commonly mean devotion or purity, though meaning can vary by type of lily, culture, and color.

"To the public standard one of the yellow lilies
"This little planet doth adorn itself 
"But in commensuration of our wages
x

"Opposes, the other claims it for a party,
"So that 'tis hard to see which sins the most."

"With the good spirits that have active been,
"That fame and honour might come after them;
"And whensoever the desires mount thither,
"Thus deviating, must perforce the rays
"Of the true love less vividly mount upward."

"With our desert is portion of our joy,
"Because we see them neither less nor greater."

"Herein doth living Justice sweeten so
"Affection in us, that for evermore
"It cannot warp to any iniquity."

"And to his dignity no more returns,
"Unless he fill up where transgression empties
"With righteous pains for criminal delights."

"Man in his limitations had not power
"To satisfy, not having power to sink
"In his humility obeying them,
"Far as he disobeying thought to rise;
"And for this reason man has been from power
"Of satisfying by himself excluded."

"'For 'tis impossible
"That nature tire, I see in what is needful.'
"Whence he again:  'Now say, would it be worse
"For me on earth were they not citizens?'
"'Yes,' I replied; 'and here I ask no reason.'
"'And can they be so, if below they live not
"Diversely unto offices diverse?
"No, if your master writeth well for you.'
"So came he with deductions to this point;
"Then he concluded:  'Therefore it behoves
"'The roots of your effects to be diverse.'"

"And if the world below would fix its mind
"On the foundation which is laid by nature,
"Pursuing that, 'twould have the people good.
"But you unto religion wrench aside
"Him who was born to gird him with the sword,
"And make a king of him who is for sermons;
"Therefore your footsteps wander from the road."

"Declare unto him if the light wherewith
"Blossoms your substance shall remain with you
"Eternally the same that it is now;"

"When, glorious and sanctified, our flesh
"Is reassured, then shall our persons be
"More pleasing by their being all complete;
"For will increase whate'er bestows on us
"Of light gratuitous the Good Supreme,
"Light which enables us to look on Him;"

"Suffice it of my elders to hear this;
"But who they were, and whence they thither came,
"Silence is more considerate than speech."

"To hear how races waste themselves away,
"Will seem to thee no novel thing nor hard,
"Seeing that even cities have an end.
"All things of yours have their mortality,
"Even as yourselves; but it is hidden in some
'That a long while endure, and lives are short;"

"I turned me round, and then what love I saw
"Within those holy eyes I here relinquish;
"Not only that my language I distrust,
"But that my mind cannot return so far
"Above itself, unless another guide it.
"There much upon that point can I repeat,
"That, her again beholding, my affection
"From every other longing was released."

"There shall be seen the woe that on the Seine
"He brings by falsifying of the coin,
"Who by the blow of a wild boar shall die.
"There shall be seen the pride that causes thirst,
"Which makes the Scot and Englishmen so mad
"That they within their boundaries cannot rest;
"Be seen the luxury and effeminate life
"Of him of Spain, and the Bohemian,
"Who valor never knew and never wished;
"Be seen the Cripple of Jerusalem,
"His goodness represented by an I,
"While the reverse an M shall represent;
"Be seen the avarice and poltroonery
"Of him who guards the Island of the Fire,
"Wherein Anchises finished his long life;"

"And she smiled not; but 'If I were to smile,'
"She unto me began, 'thou wouldst become
"'Like Semele, when she was turned to ashes.
"'Because my beauty, that along the stairs
"'Of the eternal palace more enkindles,
"'As thou hast seen, the further we ascend,
"'If it were tempered not, is so resplendent
"'That all thy mortal power in its effulgence
"'Would seem a leaflet that the thunder crushes.'"

"...the use of men is like a leaf
"On bough, which goeth and another cometh."

"O joy!  O gladness inexpressible!
"O perfect life of love and peacefulness!
"O riches without hankering secure!"

"'If I my colour change,
"'Marvel not at it; for while I am speaking
"'Thouh shalt behold all these their colour change.'"

"Fidelity and innocence are found
"Only in children; afterwards they both
"Take flight or e'er the cheeks with down are covered.
"One, while he prattles still, observes the fasts,
"Who, when his tongue is loosed, forthwith devours
"Whatever food under whatever moon;
"Another, while he prattles, loves and listens
"Unto his mother, who when speech is perfect
"Forthwith desires to see her in her grave."

"Not to see the harm doth not excuse them."

"Not only does the beauty I beheld
"Transcend ourselves, but truly I believe
"Its Maker only may enjoy it all."

"With voice and gesture of a perfect leader
"She recommenced:  'We from the greatest body
"'Have issued to the heaven that is pure light;
"'Light intellectual replete with love,
"'Love of true good replete with ecstasy
"'Ecstasy that trascendeth every sweetness.'"

"There is a light above, which visible
"Makes the Creator unto every creature,
"Who only in beholding Him has peace,"

"'O Lady, thou in whom my hope is strong,
"'And who for my salvation didst endure
"'In Hell to leave the imprint of thy feet,
"'Of whatsoever things I have beheld,
"'As coming from thy power and from thy goodness
"'I recognise the virtue and the grace.
"'Thou from a slave hast brought me unto freedom,
"'By all those ways, by all the expedients,
"'Whereby thou hadst the power of doing it.
"'Preserve towards me thy magnificence,
"'So that this soul of mine, which thou hast healed,
"'Pleasing to thee be loosened from the body.'"

"'Tis true that in the early centuries,
"With innocence, to work out their salvation
"Sufficient was the faith of parents only.
"After the earlier ages were completed,
"Behoved it that the males by circumcision
"Unto their innocent wings should virtue add;
"But after that time of grace had come
"Without the baptism absolute of Christ,
"Such innocence below there was retained."

"Even such was I at that new apparition:
"I wished to see how the image to the circle
"Conformed itself, and how it there finds place;
"But my own wings were not enough for this,
"Had it not been that then my mind there smote
"A flash of lightning, wherein came its wish.
"Here vigour failed the loft fantasy:
"But now was turning my desire and will,
"Even as a wheel that equally is moved,
"The love which moves the sun and the other stars."

Sam Reviews: "Purgatorio" (The Divine Comedy #2) by Dante Alighieri

"Insane is he who hopeth that our reason
"Can traverse the illimitable way,
"Which the one Substance in three Persons follows!
"Mortals, remain contented at the 'Quia;' *
"For if ye had been able to see all,
"No need there were for Mary to give birth;
"And ye have seen desiring without fruit,
"Those whose desire would have been quieted,
"Which evermore is given them for a grief."

* - from what I could find on Google, "Quia" is an adjective (not comparable) (Lutheranism) Relating to the belief that the Book of Concord is authoritative because it faithfully describes the Christian faith as revealed in the Bible.

"After I had my body lacerated
"By these two mortal stabs, I gave myself
"Weeping to Him, who willingly doth pardon.
"Horrible my iniquities had been;
"But Infinite Goodness hath such ample arms,
"That it receives whatever turns to it."

"This mount is such, that ever
"At the beginning down below 'tis tiresom,
"And aye the more one climbs, the less it hurts.
"Therefore, when it shall seem so pleasant to thee,
"That going up shall be to thee as easy
"As going down the current in a boat,
"Then at this pathway's ending thou wilt be;
"There to repose thy panting breath expect;
"No more I answer; and this I know for true."

"Why doth thy mind so occupy itself,
"That thou thy pace dost slacken?
"What matters it to thee what here is whispered?
"Come after me, and let the people talk;
"Stand like a steadfast tower, that never wags
"Its top for all the blowing of the winds;
"For evermore the man in whom is springing
"Thought upon thought, removes from him the mark,
"Because the force of one the other weakens."

"Long since we all were slain by violence,
"And sinners even to the latest hour;
"Then did a light from heaven admonish us,
"So that, being penitent and pardoning, forth
"From life we issued reconciled to God,
"Who with desire to see Him stirs our hearts."

"'Twas he of Este had it done, who held me
"In hatred far beyond what justice willed."

"and for no crime else
"Did I lose heaven, than for not having faith;"

"There dwell I with the little innocents
"Snatched by the teeth of Death, or ever they
'Were from our human sinfulness exempt.
"There dwell I among those who the three saintly
"Virtues did not put on, and without vice
"The others knew and followed all of them."

"'Twas now the hour that turneth back desire
"In those who sail the sea, and melts the heart,
"The day they've said to their sweet friends farewell,
"And the new pilgrim penetrates with love,
"If he doth hear from far away a bell
"That seemeth to deplore the dying day"

"How long in woman lasts the fire of love,
"If eye or touch do not relight it often."

"Do ya not comprehend that we are worms,
"Born to bring forth the angelic butterfly
"That flieth undo judgement without screen?"

"In sooth I had not been so courteous
"While I was living, for the great desire
"Of excellence, on which my heart was bent.
"Here of such pride is paid the forfeiture;
"And yet I should not be here, were it not
"That, having power to sin, I turned to God."

"Covered with sackcloth vile they seemed to me,
"And one sustained the other with his shoulder,
"And all of them were by the bank sustained."

"For all their lids an iron wire transpierces,
"And sews them up, as to a sparhawk wild
"Is done, because he will not quiet."

"through the horrible seam,
"Pressed out the tears so that they bathed their cheeks."

"Small is the offence
"Committed by their being turned with envy."

"As avarice had extinguished our affection
"For every good, whereby was action lost,
"So justice here doth hold us in restraint,
"Bound and imprisoned by the feet and hands;
"And so long as it pleases the just Lord
"Shall we remain immovable and prostrate."

"The while among the verdant leaves mine eyes
"I riveted, as he is wont to do
"Who wastes his life pursuing little birds,"

"Make me not speak while I am marveling,
"For ill speaks he who's full of other longings."

"The water which thou seest springs not from vein
"Restored by vapour that the cold condenses,
"Like to a stream that gains or loses breath;
"But issues from a fountain safe and certain,
"Which by the will of God as much regains
"As it discharges, open on two sides.
"Upon this side with virtue it descends,
"Which takes away all memory of sin;
"On that, of every good deed done restores it."

"The four and twenty Elders, two by two,
"Came on incoronate with flower-de-luce.
"They all of them were singing:  'Blessed thou
"Among the daughters of Adam art, and blessed
"For evermore shall be thy loveliness.'
"After the flowers and other tender grasses
"In front of me upon the other margin
"Were disencumbered of that race elect,
"Even as in heaven star followeth after star,
"There came close after them four animals,
"Incoronate each one with verdant leaf.
"Plumed with six wings was every one of them,
"The plumage full of eyes; the eyes of Argus
"If they were living would be such as these."

"Over her snow-white veil with olive cinct
"Appeared a lady under a green mantle,
"Vested in colour of the living flame.
"And my own spirit, that already now
"So long a time had been, that in her presence
"Trembling with awe it had not stood abashed,
"Without more knowledge having by mine eyes,
"Through occult virtue that from her proceeded
"Of ancient love the mighty influence felt.
"As soon as on my vision smote the power
"Sublime, that had already pierced me through
"Ere from my boyhood I had yet come forth,
"To the left hand I turned with that reliance
"With which the little child runs to his mother,
"When he as fear, or when he is afflicted."

"As to the son the mother seems superb,
"So she appeared to me; for somewhat bitter
"Tasteth the savour of severe compassion."

New Vocab:  Asperges - is a name given to the rite of sprinkling a congregation with holy water.

"My soul was tasting of the food, that while
"It satisfies us makes us hunger for it."

"Of fear and bashfullness
"Henceforward I will have thee strip thyself,
"So that thou speak no more as one who dreams."

"From the most holy water I returned
"Regenerate, in the manner of new trees
"That are renewed with a new foliage,
"Pure and disposed to mount unto the stars."

x

Sam Reviews: "Inferno" (The Divine Comedy #1) by Dante Alighieri

"Because this beast, at which thy criest out,
"Suffers not any one to pass her way,
"But also doth harass him, that she destroys him;
"And has a nature so malign and ruthless,
"That never doth she glut her greedy will,
"And after food is hungrier than before."

"Love moved me, which compelleth me to speak."

"Never were persons in the world so swift
"To work and to escape their woe,
"As I, after such words as these were uttered."

"All hope abandon, ye who enter in!"

"Here all suspicion needs must be absorbed,
"All cowardice must needs be here extinct."

"This miserable mode
"Maintain the melancholy souls of those
"Who lived withouten infamy or praise.
"Commingled are they with that caitiff choir
"Of angels, who have not rebellious been,
"Nor faithful were to God, but were for self.
"The heavens expelled them, not to be less fair;
"Nor them the nethermore abyss receives,
"For glory none the damned would have from them."

"These have no longer any hope of death;
"And this blind life of theirs is so debased,
"They envious are of every other fate.
"No fame of them the world permits to be;
Misericord and Justice both disdain them."

"That they sinned not; and if they merit had,
"'Tis not enough, because they had not baptisim
"Which is the portal of the Faith though holdest;
"And if they were before Christianity,
"In the right manner they adored not God."

"For such defects, and not for guilt,
"Lost are we and are only so far punished,
"That without hope we live on in desire."

"And to a place I come where nothing shines."

"The infernal hurricane that never rests
"Hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine;
"Whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them."

"The carnal malefactors were condemned,
"Who reason subjugate to appetite."

"The first of those, of whom intelligence
"Thou fain wouldst have
"The empress was of many languages,
"To sensual vices she was so abandoned,
"That lustful she made licit in her law,
"To remove the blame to which she had been led."

"There is no greater sorrow,
"Than to be mindful of the happy time
"In misery."

"In the third circle am I of the rain,
"Eternal, maledict, and cold, and heavy;
"Its law and quality are never new."

"For the pernicious sin of gluttony
"I, as thou seest, am battered by this rain."
(Envy, arrogance, and avarice)

"Vengeance upon the proud adultery."

"Thus we descended into the fourth chasm
..."As doth the billow there upon Charybdis
"That breaks itself on that which it encounters,
"So here the folk must dance their roundelay.
"Here I saw people, more than elsewhere, many,
"On one side and the other, with great howls,
"Rolling weights forward by main force of chest."

"Clerks those were who no hair covering
"Have on the head, and Popes and Cardinals,
"In whom doth Avarice practice its excess."

"The undiscerning life which made them sordid
"Now makes them unto all discernment dim."

"For all the gold that is beneath the moon,
"Or ever has been, of these weary souls
"Could never make a single one repose."

"And I, who stood intent upon beholding,
"Saw people mud-besprent in that lagoon,
"All of them naked and with angry look.
"They smote each other not alone with hands,
"But with the head and with the breast and feet,
"Tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth."

"Son, thou now beholdest,
"The souls of those whom anger overcame."


"That was an arrogant person in the world;
"Goodness is none, that decks his memory;
"So likewise here his shade is furious.
"How many are esteemed great kings up there,
"Who here shall be like unto swine in mire,
"Leaving behind them horrible dispraises!"

"Here are the Heresiarchs,
"With their disciples of all sects, and much
More than thou thinkest laden are the tombs.
"Here like together with its like is buried;
And more and less the monuments are heated."

"But because fraud is mans' peculiar vice,
"More it displeases God; and so stand lowest
"The fraudulent, and greater dole assails them.
"All the first circle of the Violent is;
"But since force may be used against three persons,
"In three rounds 'tis divided and constructed."

"A death by violence, and painful wounds,
"Are to our neighbour given; and in his substance
"Ruin, and arson, and injurious levies;
"Whence homicides, and he who smites unjustly,
"Marauders, and freebooters, the first round
"Tormetneth all in companies diverse.

"Man may lay violent hands upon himself
"And his own goods; and therefore in the second
"Round must perforce without avail repent
"Whoever of your world deprives himself,
"Who games, and dissipates his property,
"And weepeth there, where he should jocund be."

"Violence can be done the Deity,
"In heart denying and blaspheming Him,
"And by disdaining Nature and her bounty.
"And for this reason doth the smallest round
"Seal with its signet Sodom and Cahors,
"And who, disdaining God, speaks from the heart."

"Wherefore within the second circle nestle
"Hypocrisy, flattery, and who deals in magic
"Falsification, theft and simony,
"Panders, and barrators, and the like filth."

"The river of blood, within which boiling is
"Whoe'er by violence doth injure others."

"A grand old man stands in the mount erect,
"Who holds his shoulders turned tow'rds Damietta,
"And looks at Rome as if it were his mirror."

"There is a place in Hell called Malebolge,
"Wholly of stone and of an iron colour,
"As is the circle that around it turns.
"...And has distinct in valleys ten its bottom."

"Beheld I horned demons with great scourges,
"Who cruelly were beating them behind.
"Ah me!  how they did make them lift their legs
"At the first blows!  and sooth not any one
"The second waited for, nor for the third."

"I saw upon the sides and on the bottom
"The livid stone with perforations filled,
"All of one size, and every one was round.
"...Out of the mouth of each one there protruded
"The feet of a transgressor, and the legs
"Up to the calf, the rest within remained.
"In all of them the soles were both on fire;
"Wherefore the joints so violently quivered,
"They would have snapped asunder withes and bands."

"And people saw I through the circular valley,
"Silent and weeping, coming at the pace
"Which in this world the Litanies assume.
"As lower down my sight descended on them,
"Wondrously each one seemed to be distorted,
"From chin to the beginning of the chest;
"For tow'rds the reins the countenance was turned,
"And backward it behoved them to advance,
"As to look forward had been taken from them."

"A painted people there below we found,
"Who went about with footsteps very slow,
"Weeping and in their semblance tired and vanquished.'
"They had on mantles with the hoods low down
"Before their eyes, and fashioned of the cut
"That in Cologne they for the monks are made."

"These orange cloaks
"Are made of lead so heavy, that the weights
"Cause in this way their balances to creak."

"Now it behoves thee thus to put off sloth,
"...for sitting upon down,
"Or under quilt, one cometh not to fame,"

"Among this cruel and most dismal throng [of monstrous snakes]
"People were running naked and affrighted.
"Without the hope of hole or heliotrope.
"They had their hands with serpents bound behind them;
"These riveted upon their reins the tail
"And head, and were in front of them entwined."

"For once a man of blood and wrath I saw him.
"And the sinner, who had heard, dissembled not,
"But unto me directed mind and face,
"And with a melancholy shame was painted.
"...'What thou demandest I cannot deny;
"'So low am I put down because I robbed
"'The sacristy of the fair ornaments,
"'And falsely once 'twas laid upon another;"

"We were not made to live like unto brutes
"But for pursuit of virtue and of knowledge."

"For who repents not cannot be absolved,
"Nor can one both repent and will at once,
"Because of the contradiction which consents not."

[the ninth Bolgia] "Between his legs were hanging down his entrails;
"His heart was visible, and the dismal sack
"That maketh excrement of what is eaten."

"All the diseases in one moat were gathered,
"Such was it here, and such a stench came from it
"As from putrescent limbs is wont to issue." [Punishes forgers]

"And when to me their faces they had lifted,
"Their eyes, which first were only moist within,
"Gushed o'er the eyelids, and the frost congealed
"The tears between, and locked them up again."

"Then I beheld a thousand faces, made
"Purple with cold; whence o'er me comes a shudder,
"And evermore will come, at frozen ponds."

"And there he died; and as thou seest me,
"I saw the three fall, one by one, between
"The fifth day and the sixth; whence I betook me,
"Already blind, to groping over each,
"And three days called them after they were dead;
"Then hunger did what sorrow could not do."

Sam Reviews "Caraval" by Stephanie Garber

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I was recommended it based on my rating of The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and I feel like this was a great next book. I loved so much about this book, and once I got into the thick of it, it was hard for me to put it down. There was a YA feel and a few moments where the magic / fantasy aspect made some conflicts easier to overcome than they could have been, but it didn't take too much away from the story. I highly recommend this book for people who appreciate fantasy, magic, and mystery.

While skimming through the "About the Author" section, I noticed the phrase "[She] wanted to be an explorer until she realized most of the world had already been discovered".  I remember almost this exact sentence being in "Miss Peregrine's School for Peculiar Children" but I'm also positive it's been stated other places, too.  But, already, this book is feeling familiar (in a good and welcoming way).

I really appreciated the passive mentioning of the main character being able to "feel colors" so I went out of my pay to pull out those sentences, but I'm going to list them separately from the rest of the "quotes":

• Shimmery gold, the color of magic and wishes and promises
• Dull shades of gray disappointment
• Goldenrod desire
• Plum - the shade of dark bruises and power
• Rich cerise - the color of seduction and secrets
• Sage-shaded colors of suspicion
• Brilliant gold-blue sparks, the color of childhood dreams
• Panicked vermilion
• She felt as if she could taste the red of the curtains. Chocolate cake drenched in wine.
• Silver rush of excitement
• Icy-blue nervous hum
• Smoky-ginger prickle of discomfort
• Five different shades of berry-colored foolish
• Periwinkle curiosity
• A fearful rush of anise and lavender and something akin to rotted plums.
• Dreary yellow hopelessness
• Peach embarrassment
• Gray smoke...the color of things better left unsaid
• Light brown, the color of caramel and liquid amber lust
• Disappointment - it came in shades of forget-me-not blue, which wrapped around her like evening fog.
• Perilous shades of silky black
• Sour shades of yellow-green made her stomach roil with trepidation
• Gowns in every material and shade. The color if late-night laughter, early-morning sunshine, and waves crashing around ankles.
• Champagne and pale-orchid - the colors of infatuation
• Surge of panic.  It came in shades of hemlock green - the color of poison and terror.
• Scarlett's horror spiked, turning shades of quicksilver.
• Death was the color purple
• The color of dark fairy tales - black ice covered with tarnished gold script
• The gray of everyone's grief
• The sting of her rejection in shades of stormy blue, ghosting over her heart like sad mourning mist
• Flat black, the color of failure and funerals
• Emerald green premonition
• Threads of violet panic
• Ochre shades of uneasy
• The color gold felt hopeful and magical
• Shades of brilliant orange-red - the color of bravery
• He tasted like midnight and wind, and shades of rich brown and light blue.  Colors that made her feel safe and guarded
• Periwinkle - the color of sweet dreams and happy endings
• Bitter yellow puddle of dread in her stomach
• Hazel eyes met hers, as sad as fresh-cut wood
• Shades of rich ruby love
• Hues of deep indigo hurt

Part One:  The Isle of Trisda

Quite a passive bombshell writing "I know you didn't commit murder" in the opening pages of the book, if I wasn't intrigued already, I certainly am now.

Of course the smooth-talking guy is named Julien...

"When [Julian] had swaggered off his shop, tall and handsome, with golden-brown skin, he'd drawn almost every woman's eye.  Even Scarlett's head had turned briefly, but she'd known better than to look any longer."

"Scarlett's sister had always like beautiful things, like the young man waiting for her behind the barrels.  Often, if Scarlett lost one of her prettier possessions, she could find it tucked away in her younger sister's room."

"Thick lashes lined his light brown eyes, just made for convincing girls to lift their skirts and open their arms."

"A beautiful, ridiculous, fantasy."

"...the lie had already buried itself inside of Scarlett, as lies told to children often do.  It didn't matter how many other people confirmed the truth."

"It was the kind of night where she could smell the moon, thick candle wax dancing with the salty scent of the ocean, full and glowing."

"He moved with the practiced ease of someone Scarlett felt it would be unwise to trust."

"There's more to life than staying safe."

"But [the witch] also warned that wishes come with costs, and the more he performed, the more he would transform into whatever roles he played.  If he acted the part of villain, he'd become one in truth."

"She'd disappeared like a broken star, leaving the world untouched, save for the bits of missing light that no one would ever see again."

"Her father would never have let her wear something so eye-catching, and even though he wasn't there, attention was still not a thing she craved."

"Scarlett wondered if she'd found a way to escape her father's deadly games on Trisda, only to become a well-costumed piece on a new game board."

"Dreams that come true can be beautiful, but they can also turn into nightmares when people don't wake up."

Part Two:  The Night of Caraval Eve

"The sky was black, the moon visiting some other part of the world."

"Every window shimmered with buttery illumination, turning the flower boxes below into cradles full of stardust."

"...lying for him had been a mistake, and there were always consequences for that.  Her entire life was evidence of thus."

"Scarlett knew she shouldn't have been upset, they were nothing to each other, but she despised being deceived; she'd had enough of that to last a lifetime."

"Scarlett knew he was trying to manipulate her. She'd had enough experience to recognize the signs. Unfortunately, despite her lengthy history of being used by her father, or perhaps because of it, she was never good at evading it."

"Julien's smile turned seductive, all shameless curves and immoral promises.  An invitation to places that proper young ladies didn't think about, let alone visit.  Scarlett didn't want to imagine what sorts of things that smile had convinced other girls to do."

"She knew better than to assume any type of game came without a cost."

"Flashing her a look made of lies and other sinful things."

"Scarlett imagined this was the sort of place a person could be lost and never found."

"The sailor looked haunted, as if those moments outside had cost him something valuable.  She could feel the night still hovering around him.  The tips of his dark hair were damp with it."

"Smelled like the end of the night, swear and fading fire smoke mixed with lingering breath from words whose ghosts still haunted the air."

"He used people.  His use of her had been mutually beneficial, but he'd used her all the same.  She remembered her first impression of him, tall, roughly handsome, and dangerous, like poison dressed up in an attractive bottle."

"I didn't say we were in love - I only said we were engaged."

"A square teal door with a green glass handle that looked a bit like a gemstone. Gaudy and magnificent. Perfect for Tella."

"While Scarlett often feared men, Tella was the opposite, always chasing after the wrong ones, hoping one might give her the love their father withheld."

"He had the sort of profile meant for sculptors and painters. Full lips, strong jaw, coal-dark eyes sheltered by thick, dark brows."

"She studied him again in the lamplight, eyes falling on the black rose inked on the backside of his hand, elegant and lovely and a little bit sorrowful.  Scarlett didn't know why, but she felt as if that tattoo somehow defined him. The elegant and lovely part might have scared her away - she had learned that this too often disguised other things - but the sad part drew her in."

"He continued to smile at Scarlett, the way Scarlett always hoped a boy would, as if he wasn't just attracted to her, but he wanted to protect and take care of her."

"A gaze full of wayward intent."

Part Three:  Night One of Caraval

"Even years later, Paloma's disappearance clung to Scarlett like a shadow that no amount of brightness could erase."

"...reminded of all the greedy eyes and hands grabbing at Tella's possessions, as if they were segments of a puzzle rather than pieces of a person."

"I know he's a count, which means he's a noble, and no one holds a position like that and manages to stay honest."

"Scarlett was not fond of fate.  She liked to believe that if she were good, good things would happen.  Fate left her feeling powerless and hopeless, and with an overwhelming feeling of lessness.  To her, fate seemed ... [to be] stealing her choices and controlling her life without any regard for her feelings.  Fate meant nothing she did mattered."

"Every person has the power to change their fate if they are brave enough to for what they desire more than anything."

"...her need for pleasure to help her forget the wounds she liked to ignore."

"No one is truly honest, even if we don't lie to others, we often lie to ourselves."

"Tincture of Forgetting and Extract of Lost Tomorrows."

"Someone screamed.  As hot and bright as fire."

"She wanted to trust him, but a lifetime of mistrust made it impossible."

Part Four: Night Two of Caraval

"Maybe distrust should not always be her first response."

"[She was] as pretty as a watercolor"

"This girl was that hot sunny day in the middle of the Cold Season, either unaware or uncaring that she did not belong."

"The young man held his young bride's hand with the care of a man not used to holding such an important thing."

"Some things are worth pursuit regardless of the cost."

"Something acidic and moldy and burnt bubbled up through Scarlett's throat - the taste of death."

"Her words came out garbled, as if she'd bitten them into pieces before spitting them out."

"She imagined loving him would feel like falling in love with darkness, frightening and consuming yet utterly beautiful when the stars came out."

Brownish green, the color of forgotten memories, abandoned dreams, and bitter gossip.

"A street lined with hanging lanterns, smelling of flowers and flutes and long lost love."

Part Five:  Day Four of Caraval

"The world tasted like lies and ashes when Scarlett woke."

"Scarlett had learned to temper her feelings, yet Tella was driven by her volatile emotions and desires."

"The [room] still smelled like Tella - sharp molasses and wild dreams."

"Had she begun to believe him because she desperately wanted to, or because Julien really was telling the truth?"

"His hands were clenched, holding his secrets the way Scarlett so often clutched her fear, as if letting go would unravel him."

"For a fragile moment, as thin and long as a stretched-out spider web, there was only the waves in the distance."

"His steady gaze...reached out to the broken parts of her like a caress.  The type of touch that moves through damaged skin, past fractures bones and into a person's wounded soul. ... It was as if all her shame, her guilt, the awful secret memories she tried to bury, were laid out for him to see."

"Evil laughter, a sour sound of nightmares and other foul things."

"It never seemed to scare her that some of the things she lusted for might consume her like a flame."

"There was something seductive about winning the heart of someone who vowed  to never love again."

"Decent people like you always believe other people can be virtuous."

Part Six: Night Four of Caraval

"Her skirt and blouse were silver this time, with eyes and lips painted to match.  Like a teardrop the moon had cried."

"The type of young man someone invited to a party just because he had a way of looking beautiful and intriguing at once."

"Lips designed for dark whispers and straight white teeth perfect for biting into things."

"His green eye stayed on hers.  Vibrant and elegant and poisonous."

"He was more like a starry night: the constellations were always there, constant, magnificent guides against the ever-present black."

"Colors as soft as velvet and as sharp as sparks that turned into stars."

"The count's well-groomed expression had shifted to something cloudy and uncertain."

"Every darkening shade on his visage. Frustration. Embarrassment.  Wounded pride."

"Sinking into a feeling of security she'd never known before."

"Scarlett felt as if she'd stepped into a faded memory. As if the magical town had been abandoned long ago, and she was coming back to find nothing quite as she recalled."

"A hole made of black sky robbed of stars."

"He was made of dashing elegance, laced with intrigue and illusion, set off by a twinkle in his dark eyes."

"Julien's smile turned vicious, the kind made for breaking hearts"

"His brown eyes full of all sorts of unspoken promises."

Part Seven: Night Five the Last Night of Caraval

"Pink lips parting into a smile made of hopes and dreams and other treacherous things."

"Most of what she felt was agony, but she also didn't feel afraid of anything."

Part Eight:  The Day After Caraval

"Scarlett wanted to melt into the night, wink out of existence like a broken star."