Friday, June 29, 2018

Sam Reviews: "Hearts That We Broke Long Ago" by Merle Shain

"For my son - should he ever wonder if I loved him enough and my father who I never got to tell how much I did."

"Why, if she wished to drown herself, she was torturing herself with shallow waters."

"Whether the melon falls on the knife or the knife falls on the melon, it's the melon that suffers."
"Some of us hurl ourselves at life, and others crouch and wait for it to roll up over us, but you can usually tell who it is who is taking on life and who it is who is fending it off and whether this is a new game or whether it is old."

"The first person she ever loved was her father whom she could never please, and this man she was trying so hard to won, the one with the iron band locked around his heart, was just a substitute for him, someone with whom she could plat at trying to please her father still."

"It has been said that women of our generation 'grew up to be the men they always wanted to marry'."

"I am a part of all that I have met, and so, my friend, are you, and most of hd would have skipped a chapter here and there if we were the ones to choose.  But in the end it doesn't matter how what happened to you made you what you are today, only if you want to be there, and if it feeds you enough for you to stay."

"The girl who can't dance says the band can't play."

"No one is cheated in this world, unless it's by himself."

"When you want to, there are many ways to give hostages fortune, many ways to be sucked like a firefly to the flame, so those who fear abandonment find someone new to abandon them over and over again, and those who feel unworthy ask to be humbled, and the world always answers their prayers."

"According to [Hasidic Jews], on Judgement Day, each person will be invited to hang from the Tree of Sorrows all of his own miseries, and that done, he will be given permission to walk around the tree and survey everyone else's miseries in order to select a set he likes better.  ...  'Take what you want,' said God, 'and pay for it.'"

"It doesn't matter if you are chained by a golden chain or an iron one if it holds you in a place that is doing you harm."

"All things are possible and nothing safe."

"No one goes forward who hasn't finished with the past, and those, who try to, keep coming out the same door they went in."

"Despair is anger with no place to go, pain that has gone deep inside and dug in deep."

"Fears fight wars, and conquer worlds, build temples and bank accounts, get married and raise kids, but those who fear are always planning their defenses and their retreat, never living life, just escaping, never loving, only weeping."

"The answer doesn't lie in learning how to protect yourself from life.  It lies in learning how to strengthen yourself so you can let a bit more in."

"Why must I pretend to scorn in order to pity?  Why must I hide myself in self-contempt in order to understand? Why must I be so ashamed if my strength, so proud of weakness?  Why must I live in a cage like a criminal, defying and hating, I who love peace and friendship? Why was I born without a skin?  O God, that I must wear armor in order to touch or be touched."  Eugene O'Neill "The Great God Brown"

"Sometimes when a child doesn't get what he needs when he is small an anger develops deep within him because he feels unsupported, and hence frightened and alone.  And because the road between fear and hate is such a short one, many people travel over it without ever leaving home."

"We all need love, and want it, and fear to get it too.  Fear that if it comes, is to accept our need for it and give it power over us.  So many people spend their lives trying to dissuade themselves of their needs, and they ask for love in a thousand places and spit to windward when it answers their call."

"As long as you blame someone it makes the problem not yours but theirs, and allows you to keep it without taking responsibility for anything but pointing the finger.  Which means you give them responsibility for your life and paralyze yourself forever in a place you don't want to be."


"When you are continually seeking the privileged place of the favored child, you are trading off acceptance of yourself as you actually are for an idealized image of the person you wish you were, which means judging yourself by higher standards than you'd set for anyone else.  So you're always finding yourself wanting, always letting yourself down, and your overblown evo always lets you know."

"I can handle hurts of many kinds, the challenges galore.  It's kindness I have trouble with, and tenderness from someone I could love that always makes me cry.  I suppose the joy reminds."

"Unexpected emotions are a good way to figure out what hurts.  Tempers that flare about unimportant things, tears that appear at odd times when we don't expect them, tell us what we feel even when we aren't telling ourselves."

"Our North American culture, more than any other, thrusts independence on us at an early age, and needs for community and affection and dependence are sacrificed to the god of standing tall.  Which means that a lot of people who needed to be protected when they were small got pushed from the nest too soon and had to learn to lool after themselves.  But often what they learned to protect themselves from was their own needs, needs that were never wrong."


"Fear is not love.  Nor os love dependence, jealousy, possessiveness, domination, responsibility, duty, self-pity, or any of thr other things that conventionally pass for love."

"All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own, just as by our actions we create the world we live in, what we send into the world is out there to greet us on the morrow when we go out to see."


"Thank you for the gift of my life and for helping me develop the strength to be a giver.  I realize now that it is a privilege to be able to give."

"No one can have too many people in their life who love them, only not enough."

"Cynicism is a form of cowardice, a failure of courage to hope."

"To hope is to set yourself up for a possible loss, so many people deny their hopes and by so doing detach themselves from shat they want, not recognizing that hope is a forward scout on the path of time, and without it there is no tomorrow, there is not even much to be said for today."

"I don't know where we got the idea that it is an either/or situation, that it's freedom or commitment, personal growth or responsibility, and that if we choose commitment it will be our loss and not our gain.  Because one grows in commitment, one doesn't diminish.

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