Carole Reviews: Royal Exile by Fiona McIntosh

Author: Fiona McIntosh
Title: Royal Exile (Valisar Trilogy #1)
Genre: Fantasy
Pages: 441
First Published: Jan 2008
Where I Got It: My shelf (Dollar Tree)

From out of the East they came riding like a merciless plague—destroying kingdom after kingdom and the sovereigns who had previously mocked the warlord Loethar and his barbarian horde. Now only one land remains unconquered—the largest, richest, and most powerful realm of the Denova Set… 

Penraven.

The Valisar royals of Penraven face certain death, for the savage tyrant Loethar covets what they alone possess: the fabled Valisar Enchantment, an irresistible power to coerce, which will belong to Loethar once every Valisar has been slain. But the last hope of the besieged kingdom is being sent in secret from his doomed home, in the company of a single warrior. The future of Penraven now rests on the shoulders of the young Crown Prince Leonel who, though untried and untested in the ways of war, must survive brutality and treachery in order to claim the Valisar throne.

Looking at all the comments and reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, it seems that you either LOVE this book or you don't. No in between. One of my friends liked the book quite a bit, so I decided to get it and try it. 

Simply...sighs.

The first 60 pages had me hooked. I flew by these pages...but...it lost me. I didn't care and nothing made sense. The plot literally died before my eyes. The story seemed to drag on and on and on and on. I get character building and getting a feel for the world and the situation. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF PIE LETS MOVE IT! It was about page 120 before anything really important happened. Sighs. 

The characters were meh. The baddie was certainly a baddie....I really didn't understand his motives. Yes, power and killing seemed to be all he wanted. Whatever. The King and Queen were weak. Why did they just GIVE up? Where is the fight? FIGHT BACK!!!!!! At least die with dignity and honor. 

There were too many POVs. Once a character died, like the King, the author added another one. It was too much. I was able to keep track who was who and who was talking, but it slowed everything down. She should have stuck with maybe 2 or 3. 

Okay - confession time.....I did not finish this book. I skimmed and skimmed and then I got tired and went to bed. I woke up and looked at it and said I'm done. My first DNF in YEARS. I feel like a quitter, but I couldn't go on. So....a DNF. 

In the end, this was a total failure for me. I tried my darndest to finish, but I got about halfway and threw in the towel. My first DNF in about 6 years. Damn. 

I shall stamp this with 1 star. 

Sam Reviews "Pocahontas: A Life in Two Worlds" by Victoria Garrett Jones

While not a history buff, Pocahontas is one of my favorite pieces of history. I will admit that I prefer the happily ever after story that Disney portrays (the first one, with the open end that implies John Smith might have / probably came back after he was healed to be with Pocahontas). Despite this, I still think this story is an important one and I am glad it is not lost and forgotten about. While the chapter in my middle school history book was short, this book taught me a number of facts I did not know before, so it was definitely worth reading.

"Nothing at all is known about Pocahontas' mother.  Usually, following tribal tradition, when the great chief Powhatan chose a woman to marry, her royal status was only temporary.  Once she gave birth to her first child, Powhatan usually had nothing more to do with her and moved on to his next choice of spouse.  While Pocahontas probably spent her very earliest years with her mother, tradition held that by no later than age three or four, she would have been taken away and brought to live in Powhatan's household."

"Each canoe was made from a single tree - usually cypress, but pine and chestnut were also used depending on availability and access.  After a tree was selected in the forest, a fire was built at its base.  Alternately burning and chipping away at the charred wood eventually felled the tree.  Once it was on the ground, small fires and red-hot stones were used to burn down the wood along the center line."

"Clothing for the members of the Tidewater tribes was simple, and little was worn except in the colder months.  Deerskin was used to make leather robes, moccasins, and leggings that provided added warmth in the winter.  In addition, turkey feathers were sewn together to make mantles, or short capes, that also offered protection from colder temperatures.  During the rest of the year, most men and women wore a basic breechcloth - a piece of clothing resembling an apron that hung from around the waist - though some women wore a type of fringed skirt as well.
"Hair styles varied according to social status, gender, and age.  The youngest girls wore their hair cut very short on the sides and in the front, but long in the back.  A married woman's hair was worn long and kept braided.  Men kept their hair long and uncut on one side, but was trimmed very close or shaved.  This prevented their hair from getting tangled in their bowstrings when hunting.  No elaborate head gear was worn - such as the enormous feathered bonnets donned by Plains Indians - but hair ornaments might include feathers or rattlesnake's rattle.  Both men and women hung chains, beads, or other objects from holes in their ears.  One Jamestown colonist wrote of natives who sported rats skins and live snakes attached to their earlobes.  Intricate tattoos and painted designs were common body ornaments.  Colorful depictions ... were created by mixing tinted powders with oil.  Bloodroot - a plant which produces a deep red shade - was a popular choice."

"...the Powhatan people had little metal, but they were quick to put locally found resources to use for a variety of functions.  Tools such as knives, axes, drills, and arrows were made with wood and stone, while antlers and large bones from deer and other wild game were formed into needles, primitive drills, fish hooks, and other useful items.  Clay, bark, animal skin, and turtle shells were made into cups, bowls, or storage containers for food."

"...items such as pearls, copper, certain types of shells or beads, and any other luxury goods could only be obtained via trade.  An extensive network of commerce extended as far away as the Great Lakes region."

"Powhatan had sent Newport twenty wild turkeys requesting twenty swords in exchange.  Despite John Smith's protests, Newport agreed to the trade.  When Powhatan made a similar offer to Smith after Newport's departure, it was refused.  There would be no further arms supplied to the natives if Smith had any say in the matter."

"While traveling to Powhatan's new encampment with her family members, Pocahontas heard of her father's true plans.  The offer of supper the next day actually concealed a plot to kill John Smith and his men. ...
"Much later that evening, as Smith and his men were relaxing in anticipation of the next day's feast, they were startled by the appearance of Pocahontas.  ...  Her warning was simple.  If they wanted to live, they should all leave soon. ... 

"Thinking how brave her actions were, Smith probably wanted to give Pocahontas some sort of present to thank her for her efforts, and he brought out several blue glass beads.  Seeing the trinkets in Smith's hand, Pocahontas reacted - according to reports by others in the party - with tears streaming.  Didn't Smith realize that, if she took the beads, Pocahontas would have to explain how she got them?  Didn't he also realize how great the chance was that she took in coming to warm him of the plot?  Did he really value their friendship so little that he would simply pay her with a few beads as he would any local guide?"

"...the winter of 1609-1610 was probably the worst Jamestown colonists experienced.  With stored corn long gone, the English resorted to eating whatever they could find - mice, rats, dogs, cats, and even poisonous snakes.  Boiling shirts and cuffs produced edible starch that was made into a kind of porridge, and even belts, book covers, and leather door hinges were cooked and consumed.  Reports of cannibalism remain unconfirmed."

Sam Reviews "He Said, She Said" by Jay Laffoon

Overall I enjoyed this.  A lot of the points were very similar to the last relationship book I read, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", except that this one was also heavily influenced by God.  The Godly-ness of this novel sometimes enhanced the purpose of the methods, but also in some circumstances made it seem a little tiring, but of course that's probably more a personal preference than a true review of the book.  I think there's a lot to be learned in this book, and I will definitely be taking tips into my future relationships.  I don't think I'd revisit this book, nor do I think it was anything exceptionally phenomenal or one-of-a-kind.

There was a part in the book early on that explains how simply taking a shower at night can show how much you love your wife.  He debunks every excuse he's heard in the past as a public speaker,
"A shower wakes me up in the morning."
"So can drinking coffee, brushing your teeth, and cold water splashed in the face."

"My skin gets too dry if I shower twice a day."
"It's called lotion, dude, use it!"

"My hair is unmanageable unless I style it right out of the shower."
"OK, Louise.  If your hair is your priory in life, I guess I get that one."

"I can't shave at night; I'll have five o'clock shadow."
"So is it your boss you want kissing your cheek, or your wife?"

"I simply prefer my showers in the morning."
"That's right, I forgot.  Marriage is all about you and your preferences.  Never mind we're talking about real-life ways to say I love you."

"Seriously, how you smell means a ton to your wife.  Remember, her sense of smell is much more acute.  I can build a strong case that shows if you get into bed saying 'I love you' to her sense of smell, she will say 'I love you' in a way you clearly understand."

There was another part near this that explained how scientifically girls are more attuned to their senses even as newborns only a few hours old.  I thought this was an interesting fact.

There was a quote pulled from a few different articles about something I had never heard of before, "Hurried woman syndrome".
This first snippet is from Chandrarekha Kaza, MD, an internist at the Advocate Health Center - Palos Heights:
"Symptoms include fatigue, moodiness, weight gain and low sex drive.  And approximately 50 million American women have at least one of these symptoms."

This is from the author himself, "The illness is thought to be triggered by chronic stress and poor lifestyle choices, and it's main victims are women ages 25 to 55."  Apparently this isn't a widely accepted diagnosis but I personally feel like it makes sense.  I am guilty of the "Superwoman mentality" of trying to be everything for everyone and I definitely think it has taken a physical toll on my mind and body.  "Women are more vulnerable than men to stress-induced illnesses, reports the American Medical Association."

This bit is from Boloji.com by Kavita Devgan:
"...urban women have to tackle similar pressures of home, office and other responsibilities.  High stress and anxiety disorders, mild depression, physical exhaustion, digestive disorders, low sex drive, unnatural weight gain and low self-esteem are all indicators that something is not right," says Dr. Manju Mehta, Professor of Clinical Psychiatry, AIIMS."

The book goes on to explain how this "Superwoman mentality" has come about, primarily attributing it to WWII,
"Unlike the man who went to the factory and returned home to a wife who had spent the day cleaning and cooking, "Rosie" returned to an unkempt home with no meal waiting.  Once home from the factory, "Rosie"still had a day's work ahead of her - cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.  Somewhere along the way, society said women had to do it all to be valuable.  We fell for the lie that we had to prove we are just as good as or better than men."

There is a chapter based around the idea of "She needs to hear 'I respect you', and I definitely felt this chapter word for word.  I'm pretty sure most of my quotes came from this chapter.

"A husband can show his wife respect using the phrase 'You're right' in little, every day ways.  From choosing a restaurant to taking ballroom dance lessons, he says 'I respect you' by agreeing to go places and participate in activities that are important to his wife."

"One of the easiest ways to tell your wife you respect her is simply to communicate with her.  Share the details of your day and call just to let her know you are thinking of her and you love her."

"I have to train myself to act when I hear that white noise [my wife's voice].  ...  When I recognize Laura is speaking and I pause the television - or turn away from the computer - and turn my attention to her, I say 'I respect you'."

"Men, it can feel like an inconvenience - an interruption - to pause a TV show or computer game to listen to your wife, can't it?  Let me ask this.  If you have a craving for a Coke, do you hesitate to hit that pause button?  No.  Why would you show your wife less respect than your taste buds?  We have to retrain our minds to realize our wife is not the distraction, she is the main event!"

The second most important chapter, in my opinion, was the "She needs to hear 'I desire you'" chapter.

"A woman needs seven significant, non-sexual touches in a day to feel loved."  The chapter went on to say that not all touches are actual touches and simply doing household chores without being asked or expecting anything in return can be counted as a significant, non-sexual touch.

"'Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to fine china, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.'
"...Men, God sees your wives as fine china.  He expects you to treat them accordingly."

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work,
"In one falls down, his friend can help him up,
"But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
"Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Most authentic men, would take a bullet for their wives.  So why not take a bullet in the following ways:  Spend fifteen minutes a day in face-to-face conversation.  Hold her with no further expectations.  Play with the kids.  Help with daily household chores.
"Most authentic women, would follow their man with whatever dream.  So why not follow him to:  His favorite sporting event.  The garage as he engages his hobby. The couch to watch his favorite show - the whole show without getting up.  The bedroom.
"...Daily death to self will win the heart of the woman you love and the devotion of the man you love."

Sam Reviews "Angels and Visitations" by Neil Gaiman

Angels and Visitations is a collection of pieces written by Neil Gaiman for various reasons and various times in his life.  I enjoyed the book but there were a view pieces in particular that I preferred.

1.  Babycakes - a story written for PETA basically calling out people who "justify" eating and testing products on animals.  I don't necessarily agree with the premise of this piece but I can appreciate where he is coming from.  Here's a snippet:  
"A few years back all the animals went away.  We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore. They didn't even leave us a note, or say good-bye. We never figured out quite where they'd gone.  ...  We wandered around lost, for a time, and then someone pointed out that just because we didn't have any animals anymore, that was no reason to change our lives. No reason to change our diets or to cease testing products that might cause us harm.  "After all, there were still babies.  ...  Some of them we ate. Baby flesh is tender and succulent.  ...  Some of them we tested.  We taped open their eyes, dripped detergents and shampoos in, a drop a a time.  We scarred them and scalded them. We burnt them. We clamped them and planted electrodes in their brains. We grafted, and we froze, and we irradiated.  The babies breathed our smoke, and the babies' veins flowed with our medicines and drugs, until they stopped breathing or until their blood ceased to flow.  ...  With the animals gone, what else could we do?  Some people complained, of course. But then, they always do."

2.  Virus - a poem written about video games (written before 1999) and how they kind of take over people minds and habits and such.  It's a little crazy to think people thought that strongly about them back in the 90s when the problem is so prominent now in 2016.

3.  Looking for the Girl - a story written for (and about) Penthouse and this guy's obsession with one of the girls.  It's ultimately a metaphor for how we are all obsessed with these photo-shopped beauties that don't actually exist in the world.

"I asked a [Penthouse] model once if she felt she was being exploited. 'Me? ... I'm getting well paid for it, love. And it beats working the night shift in a Bradford biscuit factory. But I'll tell you who's being exploited. All those blokes who buy it. Walking over me, every month. They're being exploited.'"

"Charlotte is there, in all places, all times, sliding through our fantasies, a girl forever "

4.  Murder Mysteries - a story about how the world was created (from the mind of Neil Gaiman) and about angels.  It was kind of written like a classic "Whodunnit" which I can appreciate, but it also had an interesting view on how the universe was made and about God.

"'...That was not just.'
"'...It was justice. He killed another. He was killed in his turn. ...'
"'But...he loved. He should have been forgiven. He should have been helped. He should not have been destroyed like that. That was wrong.'
"'It was His will.'
"Lucifer stood. 'Then perhaps His will is unjust. Perhaps the voices in the Darkness speak truly after all. How can this be right?'"

Overall I enjoyed the book.  I find Neil Gaiman books difficult to get through sometimes, but his short stories and poems are far easier and I always enjoy them.

Sam Reviews "Immigrant Soldier, the Story of a Ritchie Boy" by K. Lang-Slattery

I have a (somewhat unhealthy) obsession with the Holocaust and Nazi Germany so I jump at the opportunity to watch any movie or documentary and to read books that delve into the atrocities that happened there.
I do not typically enjoy historical fiction, however, but I was pleasantly surprised by this story.  There were some parts that got a little hung up in the history and the procedures of war but most of the time I didn't even feel like I was reading a historical fiction novel, it was just a really great story.  The writing is simple but articulate and I could honestly see the story unfolding like a movie in my mind, which is my favorite kind of writing.
I could honestly see myself reading this book a second time in the future so I'm glad I finally sat down with it.

Sam Reviews "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy - July 2016

I don't usually read synopses for books picked for the book club, mostly because I plan to read them regardless of how I feel about the summary.  However, the PDF I found of this book was headed by a synopsis and so I read through it.  What strikes me is the following statement:  "The prose is quintessentially McCarthy: spare, desolate, unemotional, reserved of both unnecessary vocabulary and punctuation."  I have mixed feelings about authors and books that do away with common literary devices, but I think because this is a book more about the "journey" than the "destination" I will appreciate the quickness of this story more than I might in a different circumstance.

The book might go into it eventually but I wasn't expecting to step "years" into the journey.  (Kind of like when I started Z Nation I was surprised that it didn't start at the beginning of the apocolypse.)

"He knew only that the child was his warrant. He said: If he is not the word of God God never spoke."

Realistically I wonder how long a cart (assuming a shopping cart) would last pushing it for miles and miles on rough pavement.  I also thought it was pretty ingenious to add a mirror to the cart to keep an eye behind you.

Why does the author refer to the main characters as "the man" and "the boy" if the two are actually related, why not just refer to them as "the father" and "the son"?

"'Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever,' he said. 'You might want to think about that.'
"'You forget some things, dont you?'
"'Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.'"

The Road drinking game:  Every time you read the word "Gray" take a drink!

"In his dream she was sick and he cared for her. The dream bore the look of sacrifice but he thought differently. He did not take care of her and she died alone somewhere in the dark and there is no other dream nor other waking world and there is no other tale to tell."

"'If you break little promises you'll break big ones. That's what you said.'
"'I know. But I won't.'"

Knowing that you have to let someone else did just so that you can live, and not even being able to just shoot him to put him out of his misery, must be the worst thing in the world.  [In reference to the man who was burned in the tar.]

"'I wouldnt leave you.'
'I dont care. It's meaningless. You can think of me as a faithless slut if you like. I've taken a new lover. He can give me what you cannot.'
'Death is not a lover.'
'Oh yes he is.'"

"The hundred nights they'd sat up arguing the pros and cons of self destruction with the earnestness of philosophers chained to a madhouse wall."

Not that I'm a fan of this possibility but wouldn't killing and eating the dog be the best course of action?  Except for the fact that they only have one bullet.

When the narrator is describing the "parade" of people and says that there is a dozen ore more women in their convoy, some of them pregnant.  What logic does it make to get people pregnant?  Clearly the world has been destroyed beyond just "building a new society" - all of the trees are dead and the only things growing are mushrooms, so it's not likely that they'd be able to survive.

The plantation they found, I'm assuming they locked their slaves in the cellar and turned to cannibalism, am I right or did I totally miss something?

Obviously if every house they came to had nothing to offer then the story wouldn't go very far, but the fact that he found a cistern of water as well as a ton of dried apples just seemed way too good to be true and I was really surprised when no one jumped out and threatened him.

"'You should thank him you know', the man said. 'I wouldn't have given you anything.'
"'Maybe I should and maybe I shouldn't.'
"'Why wouldn't you?
"'I wouldn't have given him mine.'
"...'Why did he do it?' He looked over at the boy and he looked at the old man.
"'You wouldn't understand', he said. 'I'm not sure I do.'
"'Maybe he believes in God.'
"'I don't know what he believes in.
"'He'll get over it.
"'No he wont.'

"'You wont wish us luck either, will you?' the man said.
"'I don't know what that would mean. What luck would look like. Who would know such a thing?'"

When the portable stove gas tank went empty, it's amazing to think about being in a situation where getting mad is truly useless.  The man could have yelled and screamed and devalued the boy for making such a thoughtless mistake, but what good would that do them?  So instead he just breathes and says "It's not your fault" and just moves on from his disappointment.

When the man was sick and was talking about memories I wasn't sure if the scene where men pried up a rock and burned snakes alive was a past memory or a current happening.  If it was current why didn't the men just eat the snakes instead of torturing them?

Oh my god, do you think people would resort to getting pregnant just so they could eat the infants later?

When they find the house with the home jarred goods and the boy is afraid to go upstairs, it seems really dumb to not investigate the upper story but to still start a fire in the living room fire place.

I liked how at the end the Man was asking the Boy to tell him a story and the Boy kept saying how his story wouldn't be good because it's not happy and it's too much like real life, and the Man says, "I think it's pretty good. It's a pretty good story. It counts for something."  Kind of seemed like a 3rd wall break or something and I always like those.

"'What's the bravest thing you ever did?'
"'Getting up this morning, he said.'
"'Really?'
"'No. Don't listen to me. Come on, let's go."

How old is the boy?  Obviously he's at least grade school age, but the statement:  "In some other world the child would already have begun to vacate him from his life." almost implies that he's even older than that.

After the Man died and the Boy started off on this own, how did the other guy who came along know him?  And who was discussing whether or not to go back and get the boy?  Was it really the same group of people from the town so long ago, were they just following him this whole time?

The ending seemed very abrupt.  Is it just assumed that the boy tagged along with this other family and things just went on similarly as they had with the Man?  That they lasted as long as they could and then they died?  And what was with the last paragraph about the trout?

Overall, I liked the book.  I don't know that I would re-read it.  I think this is a book better off as a movie, which I know probably sounds crummy of me.  But I am excited to see the movie now.

Sam Reviews "A Piece of Cake" by Cupcake Brown - June 2016

Chapter 1

I wonder if government cheese is like Velveeta, where it's super gooey and tasty but not really very much like cheese.

My only experience with government / welfare food is mostly canned meats.

"I didn't know death was so heavy."

I was really not expecting Cupcake's mom to die, or at least not so soon in the story.  And the fact that she was thirty-four, that is awful.

It is so intriguing how much music (and TV) impacts our lives.  At the end of chapter 1 when Cupcake says that her and her mom share 2 songs, a living song and a death song, I can really relate to that.  My dad's and mine's living song is "Black Velvet" and our death song is "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" and "Freebird".  
There are more than three songs that make me think of him because he was a "Listen to albums on repeat" sort of guy, so most Pat Benatar and Poison songs remind me of him. But those 3 are very strong emotional songs because we danced to "Black Velvet" and the 2 songs he wanted at his funeral were "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" and "Freebird."

Chapter 2
I've always been jealous of the families that have aunts and uncles (or "fake aunts and uncles" - friends of the family) that come over really often.  I always felt like my house and my family consisted of just my parents, my siblings, and me, and I always wanted to see my aunts and uncles more.  So, I hope when I have kid, that I'm able to give them a well rounded family filled with aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends to build lifelong bonds with.

It's really sad that they didn't really have anyone bring food over.  I know when my dad died, people I didn't even know came and brought food.

Ugh the story of the kids having to go with their biological parents is so fucked.  I feel like the system has changed a little bit and that kids wouldn't be torn from their family and placed with a stranger, but who knows.  Especially for a poor family in a poor neighborhood.

Chapter 4
Does 11 seem a young age to have had a sex ed class?  I'm pretty sure I was 12 or 13 when I had my first one.

While I'm not surprised by the sexual assault, it is so fucked.  It's so messed up that a 21 year old would even want to fuck an 11 year old, but on top of that, the fact that his mother didn't care how fucked up it was I think is worst of all.

Chapter 6
The 'game' the foster mother played, having the kids look for something she had hidden, definitely reminded me of "A Child Called 'It'".

Chapter 8
I don't blame Cupcake for leaving Larry behind.  He's the older brother so if he was concerned about leaving he should have been helping her plan things.

"That’s one thing about druggies, they’ll gladly take you anywhere you need to go, if there’s a high in it for them."

Do you think drinking and smoking younger makes you more addicted?  I don't really understand why she'd spend her money on weed and booze when she could use it towards getting home.  I understand the drugs for the sake of turning tricks, but why the booze before she got on the bus?

Chapter 9
It made me really sad that Mr. Bassinet was only nice to Cupcake after she started "cheerleading practice".

And as fucked up as the whole setup was where Cupcake kind of stopped feeling guilty about getting Mr. Bassinet off because he was doing things for her in return.  I think I have somewhat of that mentality, that sex is more of a tool or bargaining chip than it is a sign of love.

Chapter 10
This book is making me want, more and more, to be a foster parents and just take in kids and be such a better person than the foster parents in books like these.

Chapter 12
"...mostly, I think I loved Tim because he said he loved me."

Chapter 13
I can't imagine being pregnant at 13.  Then to be pregnant, and basically refused to be taken to a hospital but a psychotic woman.  I'd like to think that these injustices happened because of the times but, lord knows, things like this happen still today.

Chapter 17
Interesting how you never think of gangs as being safe places, but that is exactly how Cupcake describes her experience there after she got jumped in.

"Every now and then my conscience would rise up and I’d begin to feel bad about the way I was living and the things we were doing. But then I’d get around the homies. Between their love, the booze, the drugs, and the blackouts, my conscience was shut down. Besides, there was no time for guilt—I was becoming a ghetto star."

Chapter 21
"I thought I knew whyI drank, used drugs, and banged. But I didn’t understand why she did. I mean, she had everything Iused to have before my mom died: her own room, more clothes than a child could ever need, a loving mother and daddy, and a loving, caring home. She’d never been raped or beaten, had never gone hungry, was constantly given emotional, physical, and psychological support and encouragement. Hell, she didn’t even know what a trick was!"

Chapter 22
My mom lived in Chula Vista when she was in hear late teens / early twenties!

Chapter 23
The part about the IUD moving is what makes me terrified to get one, even if it is only likely to happen from having it in too long.  Not worth the risk.

I'm surprised she was able to get pregnant so soon after the damage to her uterus by the IUD.

Chapter 24
I'm so glad Cup was honest and real with Mr. Burns when he called asking for money.  I can't believe Larry had fallen for his pity me crap.

Chapter 25
"I soon realized a benefit from, and even began to welcome, the memory loss because it allowed me to remain oblivious to the extremely ignorant and hostile person I became when drunk."

Sometimes I wonder why our bodies don't automatically miscarry if we're doing a shit ton of drugs, instead of all of these babies being born dependent.  Cup flat out said she popped a ton of pills before even going to the doctor before her second abortion.  Why do our bodies hang on to babies when they're probably going to be messed up from the mother's choices.

The scam Cup came up with, where a bunch of black friends distract clerks and security while a white girl shoplifts, was actually pretty ingenious - using people's racism against them like that.

Chapter 26
Obviously I didn't do it because I was taking speed, but I also typed out the words while watching TV when I was practicing my typing.

Chapter 27
I can't believe Greg forgave Cup for getting shot at an insane party just because she gave him $10 worth of weed.

Chapter 28
I love that Cup's dad said that if the guys she was fucking couldn't afford a hotel then they weren't worth it.

"At first, we had a hard time finding an apartment. No one wanted to rent to two teenagers—one who listed “welfare” and the other “hustlin’ ” for income."

Why would their Dad just let them take everything out from under them?  Is it because he has no faith that they'll going to actually make it and they'll end up back home sooner rather than later anyway?

Chapter 29
My brother prefers Heineken beer so it's funny that's what Cup and her friends thought of as "classy".

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” I knew damn well I didn’t know him.
“I don’t know. Do you?” he quietly replied. A smartass. I liked that!
“Probably not, but I’d like to,”

Chapter 30
What liquor do you have to stay away from because of how it makes you feel the next day?

"I felt like shit enough without having the object of my exploits hanging around as a remnant."

"Breakfast? Who was this idiot? No one ever of ered me breakfast! Maybe hush money to ensure my silence in case I ever ran into them with their wives. And, on occasion, a couple of bucks left on the night stand in a desperate attempt to erase their own feelings of dirtiness and shame. But breakfast?"

I wonder what Tommy saw in her that made him so instantly attracted to Cup for more than sex or drugs.

Chapter 32
"Is it white folks that made you leave out those parts of your past, or is it your own pain in remembering them? Could you be blaming white folks for your own unwillingness or inability to deal with your past?"

It's so funny how these typists in the 80s who worked the night shift all dressed sexily and today an office job is ideal cuz you can most likely get away with yoga pants.

"So that’s how it went. I went to work loaded on uppers, but never drunk. I knew if I got drunk, I’d show up and cuss everybody out. So I never went drunk—only loaded—though never loaded on basin’. I immediately realized that once I started basin’ I couldn’t stop till all the dope, or money—whichever ran out first—was gone. So I vowed to freebase only on the weekends."

"Typing is the perfect activity to do when speeding because it requires fast, quick movements of the hands. Tweaking on the typewriter soon became one of my favorite things to do, which made the job even more enjoyable."

"Working also made me feel better about the illegal shit I was doing. I mean, hell, it wasn’t like I was a thug or a bum. I had a job, dammit!"

Chapter 33
“Girl, why you think I got all these kids? I get a fat checkand Uncle Sam pays my rent! I get food stamps, free medical, and I don’t have to move my fat ass!” Nancy busted up laughing, obviously very proud of her fringe benefits. 
“Cup.” Tommy had finally regrouped himself enough to speak. “It’s not worth it. Think about it! By working you get more money in two weeks than a bitch on welfare gets in a month!  Think about it. You are in no position to have children! You can’t stand noise. Children cry all the time! You have no patience. Think about how other people’s kids get on your nerves now! You barely feed yourself! How are you going to feed a child? Do you really want the responsibility of taking care of someone else all the time?  You hate people in your business! You hate having to answer to others. If you keep that baby and go on welfare, Uncle Sam will own you. He will tell you what you can do and cannot do, where you can do it, and how long to do it! You can own only certain things, and you can’t even have a bank account.  And Uncle Sam is nosy as hell. They get all in your business, asking thousands of questions—regularly.”

"I felt like the system had never asked any damn questions—or at least the right ones—when they were supposed to. When I was getting raped, molested, beaten, mistreated, shifted from home to home, no one ever said a fuckin’ thing. No one ever asked me why I ran! They simply labeled me “hard to place” because I ran. And now the bastards wanted to ask questions?"

"I loved the special status I got among drunks and druggies simply from the fact that I managed to get something few of them ever had or could even get."

Chapter 35
Being paid minimum wage for answering phones, filing forms, and cleaning seems ridiculous!  Wonder when the pay increased because anymore most legal secretary jobs like that start at least $2 above minimum wage.

I can't imagine how my boss would feel if I had to re-type letters 2-3 times to get them right, even when I first started.

Made me laugh imagining and office covered in post-its.

"I sat back and thought about what they’d said, and realized they were right. Slowly, but surely, I was indeed becoming a mothafuckin’ legal secretary—on dope."

Chapter 36
If 'crack' is cooked down 'powdered coke' then why is it cheaper than plain 'coke'?

“Girl, only virgins get to wear white!”
I began to think about how I’d lost my virginity. I never gave it to anyone; it was stolen.

"I told myself, fighting back tears as I realized that druggies, gangstas, hos, and high-school dropouts didn’t make good princesses so I’d never really get to be one."

"You DO have family here. You’ve got Daddy and Jr. here. You’ve got dope and booze here. That’s all the family you need."

I can't imagine not being able to remember my wedding, or not remembering changing dresses, or not remembering going on my honeymoon.  And it was awful that she started her period and had no idea

"I returned to the table a while later. The entire time I was in the bathroom, Tommy stayed at the table drinking. He never once came to see what was wrong. Never wondered about why I had taken so long. When I walked over to the table and told him what had happened, he got upset that I was on my period because that meant we couldn’t have sex. “Nigga, I done embarrassed myself by walking around God knows how long soaked to the core in blood and all you care about is you ain’t gettin’ no pussy!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was livid. "

Chapter 37
"But I couldn’t just roll over and do nothing. So I’d always hit him back. Even though I knew he was bigger, taller, and stronger than me, and could kick my ass with minimal effort, I couldn’t allow him to just hit me without my doing something.'"

"...ignorance manufactures denial. "

Chapter 39
Dave's accident was horrible [being hit while riding your bike and ending up paralyzed from the neck down].  I'm pretty sure I would take my boss' death pretty fucking hard.  He's my longest adult relationship, ever.

"I really tried not to get loaded the next time I went to visit Dave. But no matter how I tried to not drink or use, I couldn’t. I don’t know where I lost control. One day, I thought the booze and drugs were providing me with the peace and solitude I needed to get through the day. The next, they were working against me, flooding me with anxiety and depression and leaving me with increasingly severe hangovers. I didn’t want to get drunk or loaded, but I couldn’t stop. Try as I might to stay sober, I always ended up drunk."

Chapter 40
I think it's funny how Cupcake said that secretary's are supposed to be "reserved".  I consider myself reserved but I know that I also shut down a lot of small talk that client's try to start with me because I'm uncomfortable.  Kind of like Cupcake and her slang, I'm always worried I'll say something super unprofessional or just too much information.

"I once asked her why she hadn’t jumped on the “Let’s hate Cupcake” bandwagon. She stood for a moment pondering the question and then softly replied that “God” had instructed her to love me. That’s when I realized that Maria was nuts."

"At least Ken was pleased with me. He didn’t seem to notice my unprofessional attire, my unusually loud voice, my noisy smacking, or my messy desk. All he seemed to care about was that I did what he asked and his clients loved me."  - I'm pretty sure that's how Tony feels about me.

Chapter 41
How much pride can you really take in "fooling" your husband about hiding dope when he was still beating your ass over it?  Sure, you got the dope, but was it worth it?

Even though the author references it more than once I forget to imagine Cup as a super disheveled crack addict.  That fact that she never took care of her hair or teeth is insane, and I don't know how she managed to keep getting hired if she looked unkempt.

I also don't understand how her dad stayed out of her business so entirely and for so long.  I can't even keep my mom off of my ass about my diet and we don't even live together.

I can't believe Tommy was skewered on a fence!  And how fucked is it that Cup didn't even bother going to the hospital or anything.  Especially since she claims to not have seen a problem with the abuse until that night.

Chapter 43
“Cup,” he snapped back, “every day you buy dope like it ain’t shit. When you go to cop, you don’t care who sees you. When you sellin’ your TV and shit, you don’t care who sees you. And now that we’re trying to save your life, you want to be incognito?”

Chapter 44
It's bad enough that Cup was willing to take her daddy's money, but the fact that even Tommy saying it was an awful thing do to didn't stop her, makes her problem that much more obvious.

"Tommy’s using was dipping into that minimum, so, like anything else that interfered with my using, he had to go."

"I decided to talk to God right then and there. Just like I was. No religion, no prayers or holy verses, no rules, no deals, no bargains. Just me, with all sincerity, asking for help. I really didn’t have a choice because if He couldn’t help me, I was surely fucked."

Chapter 45
"As I got deeper into the letters, it all started becoming clear: there was no longer any denying it because it was laid out in front of me in black and white and in my own handwriting. Job or no job, school or no school, married or unmarried, I was definitely an addict. By the end of the second letter, I was crying so hard, my tears were smearing the ink on the paper."

"As crazy as it sounds, I used to cry when I heard the theme song from the television show “Cheers”: Wouldn’t you like to go where everybody knows your name? 
And they’re always glad you came . . ."
--I don't think it's crazy actually.  I may not have cried but I've always wanted to be a "regular" somewhere.

"She talked about wanting to be a part of something, wanting to be desired, to be “special,” craving to be loved. She talked about experiencing the kind of loneliness so immense it could swallow you up. She called it “loneliness that crowds couldn’t cure.” "

Chapter 46
Finally, she ended our conversation by telling me that I never had to drink and use again—even if I wanted to. “You mean even if I want to use, I don’t have to?” I repeated in disbelief. The concept of not acting on a desire to use had never occurred to me.

Chapter 47
"Even now, you probably have doubts as to how bad your using really was. That’s because you have a disease that tells you you don’t have a disease.”

“Don’t worry about yesterday, it’s already gone. There’s nothing you can do about it. And tomorrow isn’t here yet. Just don’t use today. You can do anything for one day.”

"Again, V walked me through the fear and uncertainty. She made me realize that if Ken had wanted to toss me to the curb he would have done so when he saw the scrawny, dirty, stinky, drunken dope fiend standing in his office doorway. “Obviously, he cares about you.” "

The bit where Cup is describing her empty apartment and how ashamed she is, reminds me of the Boy Meets World episode where they get their first place, but Shawn keeps saying how they can fix it up and take pride in all the work they did.

Chapter 48
I find it super amusing that Cup felt the same camaraderie in her 12-step program as she did with the gangbangers.  Just seems like 2 very different types of people, but I totally understand how that could be.

It's pretty asinine that Tommy and Rose ordered booze on Cup's 69th day sober celebration.

"pride gets us drunk. Ego keeps us drunk. Humility allows us to ask for help; it enables us to get honest about what’s really going on inside.”

Chapter 49
"people with addictive behaviors, especially women, have a tendency to put a man before their own well-being, so much so that they stop taking care of themselves. If they exercised regularly, they’d stop once a man came along. If they had friends, they forgot about them once a man appeared. If a woman was self-sufficient and self-assured, she’d get a man and suddenly become insecure and needy."

It's so dumb that the doctor told her she was only "allowed" to have three abortions.  Obviously she was just going to go somewhere else and lie about how many she'd had in order to have one.

“Will you just wait!” he’d holler as I hopped out of the car before he could get around to my side to let me out.
“You move too damn slow!” I was so impatient.
“Cup, why don’t you just let someone be good to you?” V fussed one night when I complained about Brett getting angry that I wouldn’t wait for him to let me out of the car. “You’re fighting it because you feel like you don’t deserve it. But you do! Let someone love you!”

I love the part with the post-its.  "What do you want other people to say about you?"  And saying you have to "change the tapes" in your head to be positive.

Chapter 50
"the acronym for ‘fear’ can mean one of two things: ‘Fuck Everything And Run or Face Everything And Recover.’"

Chapter 51
I can't believe Cup paid for all of her school out of pocket!  That's part of why I quit because I didn't want loans or to pay out of pocket and wasn't eligible for aid.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
"There’s an old saying: “it takes a village to raise a child.” That is so true. Unfortunately, by the time I’d decided to try and turn my life around, I was no longer a child. I was an adult. It takes a community to change an adult."