So after the way "If I Stay" ended I was definitely not expecting to jump into the POV of Adam - who, by the way, seems like a total asshole when he's talking about himself and his life. I'm almost disappointed that I even picked up this book after reading through Chapter One. And, while it is somewhat of a relief that this story didn't turn out "perfect" and feel like a short story arc in a TV show, I'm disappointed that Mia appears to be alive and well and yet she and Adam aren't even in a "complicated long distance relationship" and instead he's just hanging loose with his band and Bryn.
I'm glad they made a point to discuss how some people don't freak out over trauma. I know a part of that is because Mia had "known" all about the loss for a while, but I also feel it's true. I know people look at me like a robot when I don't get terribly upset about my dad and other loses, but people all process things differently.
I guess it makes sense, realistically, that once Mia got away to New York, to Julliard that she got lost in herself and her emotional, mental, and spiritual healing, and just never came home. And, the author did make a point to have Adam say that to her, "I'll let you go if you need to, if you'd just stay."
I really hate how Adam doesn't just say what he wants to say; especially after Mia tells him the story of the rude professor who told her to basically suck it up or be smothered. I hate how drawn out all the "feelings" are when this is a no lose, no win situation where he could get the feelings off his chest and not really have any consequences. Additionally, I don't understand why he took out all his bad feelings on his band, and how he doesn't even treat them as civil friends anymore. That is just super unfair to them, and they're not even characters I'm terribly invested in as people.
I can honestly say I've never heard my dad's voice in my head. I don't even have very realistic memories of what he sounds like. Sometimes, I'll hear is laugh but that's about it. I wonder if it will be different when I have more loss. Because now, I can kind of talk to my mom and she can tell me what dad would probably say, and I believe her, so my brain doesn't really have to sit and ponder on what or how my dad would say something.
I'm glad there's finally some explanation regarding his "standoffish behavior" around Mia. That he treated her as wounded after the accident, and just never stopped, even after she left him. It makes more sense, and I can understand Mia hating it, because I hate reading it.
Over all I didn't like this part of the story as much as I liked "If I Stay". I think part of it is that the "for the love of music" idea is lost on me, personally, and so I just wanted to skim through the "rock and roll lifestyle" bits and just jump to the raw emotions and dialogue with Mia. However, I'm glad I finished the story, and I'm more happy with the ending of this book than I was with "If I Stay", even if they didn't seem completely linear at first.
I'm glad they made a point to discuss how some people don't freak out over trauma. I know a part of that is because Mia had "known" all about the loss for a while, but I also feel it's true. I know people look at me like a robot when I don't get terribly upset about my dad and other loses, but people all process things differently.
I guess it makes sense, realistically, that once Mia got away to New York, to Julliard that she got lost in herself and her emotional, mental, and spiritual healing, and just never came home. And, the author did make a point to have Adam say that to her, "I'll let you go if you need to, if you'd just stay."
I really hate how Adam doesn't just say what he wants to say; especially after Mia tells him the story of the rude professor who told her to basically suck it up or be smothered. I hate how drawn out all the "feelings" are when this is a no lose, no win situation where he could get the feelings off his chest and not really have any consequences. Additionally, I don't understand why he took out all his bad feelings on his band, and how he doesn't even treat them as civil friends anymore. That is just super unfair to them, and they're not even characters I'm terribly invested in as people.
I can honestly say I've never heard my dad's voice in my head. I don't even have very realistic memories of what he sounds like. Sometimes, I'll hear is laugh but that's about it. I wonder if it will be different when I have more loss. Because now, I can kind of talk to my mom and she can tell me what dad would probably say, and I believe her, so my brain doesn't really have to sit and ponder on what or how my dad would say something.
I'm glad there's finally some explanation regarding his "standoffish behavior" around Mia. That he treated her as wounded after the accident, and just never stopped, even after she left him. It makes more sense, and I can understand Mia hating it, because I hate reading it.
Over all I didn't like this part of the story as much as I liked "If I Stay". I think part of it is that the "for the love of music" idea is lost on me, personally, and so I just wanted to skim through the "rock and roll lifestyle" bits and just jump to the raw emotions and dialogue with Mia. However, I'm glad I finished the story, and I'm more happy with the ending of this book than I was with "If I Stay", even if they didn't seem completely linear at first.
--||--
Quotes Worth Mentioning
"It well may be that in a difficult hour,
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,
Or nagged by want past resolution’s power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It well may be. I do not think I would."
Excerpt from “Love is not all:
it is not meat nor drink.”
"I saw how Mia went from being a very talented player to something altogether different. In the space of five months, something magical and grotesque transformed her. So, yes, it was all related to her "tragedy," but Mia was the one doing the heavy lifting. She always had been."
"I don't know why I'd expect it [her voice] to be different except that everything's different now."
"I’ll be your mess, you be mine
That was the deal that we had signed
I bought a hazmat suit to clean up your waste
Gas masks, gloves, to keep us safe
But now I’m alone in an empty room
Staring down immaculate doom."
"Messy" Collateral Damage - Track 2
"When Bryn said that, [Mia leaving Adam by choice instead of dying with the rest of her family], uttered out loud the thing that to my never-ending shame I sometimes felt, I’d fallen in love with her a little bit. And I’d thought that was enough. That this implicit understanding and those first stirrings would bloom until my feelings for Bryn were as consuming as my love for Mia had once been."
"Except even at the start, when we were in that can’t-get-enough-of-you phase, there was like some invisible wall between us. Then I justified it. This was just how adult relationships were, how love felt once you had a few battle scars."
I gesture toward the statue. “It’s like she has some kind of secret. The secret to life.”
"So ask her for it.”
“Ask her?”
“She’s right there. No one’s here. No tourists crawling around her feet like little ants. Ask her for her secret.”
“I’m not going to ask her.”
“You want me to do it? I will, but it’s your question, so I think you should do the honors.”
“You make a habit of talking to statues?”
“Yes. And pigeons. Now, are you going to ask?”
" “A grief club that I can’t join?”
I expect her to tell me no. Or that I’m a member. After all, I lost them, too. Except even back then, it had been different, like there’d been a barrier. That’s the thing you never expect about grieving, what a competition it is. Because no matter how important they’d been to me, no matter how sorry people told me they were, Denny and Kat and Teddy weren’t my family, and suddenly that distinction had mattered.
"Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for three years now; it’s frozen shut. All of me is frozen shut. And about to shut down completely."
"All I can think to do is keep playing because for the first time in a long time there’s nothing more I want to do. And I’m scared of what happens when the music ends."
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,
Or nagged by want past resolution’s power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It well may be. I do not think I would."
Excerpt from “Love is not all:
it is not meat nor drink.”
"I saw how Mia went from being a very talented player to something altogether different. In the space of five months, something magical and grotesque transformed her. So, yes, it was all related to her "tragedy," but Mia was the one doing the heavy lifting. She always had been."
"I don't know why I'd expect it [her voice] to be different except that everything's different now."
"I’ll be your mess, you be mine
That was the deal that we had signed
I bought a hazmat suit to clean up your waste
Gas masks, gloves, to keep us safe
But now I’m alone in an empty room
Staring down immaculate doom."
"Messy" Collateral Damage - Track 2
"When Bryn said that, [Mia leaving Adam by choice instead of dying with the rest of her family], uttered out loud the thing that to my never-ending shame I sometimes felt, I’d fallen in love with her a little bit. And I’d thought that was enough. That this implicit understanding and those first stirrings would bloom until my feelings for Bryn were as consuming as my love for Mia had once been."
"Except even at the start, when we were in that can’t-get-enough-of-you phase, there was like some invisible wall between us. Then I justified it. This was just how adult relationships were, how love felt once you had a few battle scars."
I gesture toward the statue. “It’s like she has some kind of secret. The secret to life.”
"So ask her for it.”
“Ask her?”
“She’s right there. No one’s here. No tourists crawling around her feet like little ants. Ask her for her secret.”
“I’m not going to ask her.”
“You want me to do it? I will, but it’s your question, so I think you should do the honors.”
“You make a habit of talking to statues?”
“Yes. And pigeons. Now, are you going to ask?”
" “A grief club that I can’t join?”
I expect her to tell me no. Or that I’m a member. After all, I lost them, too. Except even back then, it had been different, like there’d been a barrier. That’s the thing you never expect about grieving, what a competition it is. Because no matter how important they’d been to me, no matter how sorry people told me they were, Denny and Kat and Teddy weren’t my family, and suddenly that distinction had mattered.
"Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for three years now; it’s frozen shut. All of me is frozen shut. And about to shut down completely."
"All I can think to do is keep playing because for the first time in a long time there’s nothing more I want to do. And I’m scared of what happens when the music ends."
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